Hey there,

today i just found out about To This Day Project and it really reached my Heart! I can understand how this guy felt because i got bullied too in my School Days. I know how it feels to get called Names, getting beaten Up, getting ripped off Money and such things. I tried to Ignore it and tried to get trough the School as fast as possible. After some Time i felt into a deep depression. I thought about taking my life and such things. But it is wrong i know what it does to my Family and my Friends if i would do it. After i finished school i tried to get a Job but my School was bad because of all that Bullying and pressure from my school "mates". But i always knows they were WRONG! I fighted and fighted finally i got Friends and Social Contacts. When i got 17 i got a best Friend ... a Girl.. what she never knowed I loved her from the Bottom of my Heart. I wanted to tell her but... i was scared that our Friendship will be destroyed because of love! So i kept my Mouth Shut. 5 Month before my 18th Birthday she had a Boyfriend and we was laughing all together what they still didn't known i loved her! After a big Party he broke up with her. The reason i still don't know. She come to my House crying and speaking about Suicide and stuff. Because i had a job now i had to leave soon and told her that we will talk in the evening. After i come back from Work ... she wasn't at Home. Her father said she will be back soon. After Two Days with no Contact ... i finally got the message that she Suicide on the same evening. Right at the time we're i was done with my Job and on the Way Home. After that i felt in a very deep depression. And was send to a Mental Hospital to get out of this dark Hole! At this Time i got a Girlfriend, i was so happy and she was spending me Power so i can recover fast. 1 Week before i could get Home. I was at Home for a Weekend to see if i already recover from my Depression. I got the Phone and call her. "Hey, I'm home." She. "What do you mean with you are at home?" Me: "Yes, I'm finally at Home you can come and see me." She. "Sorry, no Time stop annoying me." I let the Phone fall down to the Ground and checked her Facebook where it said a Relationship with someone else... my World broke again into Parts. After 1 Hour i got Home i just went back to the Hospital the only thing what spended Power to me... we're gone...In the last week a new Girl comes to our Station. I looked at her and immediately fall for her. She was cute... taller than me... and had that unbelievable cute Smile in her Face....after a Time i wanted to tell her that i Love her... and i Finally did it! She said that she can't love me. And again my World broke into Parts. After i got Home i tried to contact her. After one Month of trying i finally could contact her, i started fighting for her Love. 4 Month i have fighted for her. And finally this year at the 4th of February she said "Yes" and "I love you too!" She noticed that there we're more than just Friendship. This nearly have been 4 Month now! And I'm Happy!
Whatever ... what i want to tell you! Stand UP! Raise your Fist! Go against bullying! Be proud of what you ARE! and don't let them touch your Soul! You are what you are! be proud of It!

Text:
To This Day by Shane Koyczan

To This Day
When I was a kid
I used to think that pork chops and karate chops
were the same thing
I thought they were both pork chops
and because my grandmother thought it was cute
and because they were my favourite
she let me keep doing it

not really a big deal

one day
before I realized fat kids are not designed to climb trees
I fell out of a tree
and bruised the right side of my body

I didnt want to tell my grandmother about it
because I was afraid Id get in trouble
for playing somewhere that I shouldnt have been

a few days later the gym teacher noticed the bruise
and I got sent to the principals office
from there I was sent to another small room
with a really nice lady
who asked me all kinds of questions
about my life at home

I saw no reason to lie
as far as I was concerned
life was pretty good
I told her whenever Im sad
my grandmother gives me karate chops

this led to a full scale investigation
and I was removed from the house for three days
until they finally decided to ask how I got the bruises

news of this silly little story quickly spread through the school
and I earned my first nickname

pork chop

to this day
I hate pork chops

Im not the only kid
who grew up this way
surrounded by people who used to say
that rhyme about sticks and stones
as if broken bones
hurt more than the names we got called
and we got called them all
so we grew up believing no one
would ever fall in love with us
that wed be lonely forever
that wed never meet someone
to make us feel like the sun
was something they built for us
in their tool shed
so broken heart strings bled the blues
as we tried to empty ourselves
so we would feel nothing
dont tell me that hurts less than a broken bone
that an ingrown life
is something surgeons can cut away
that theres no way for it to metastasize

it does

she was eight years old
our first day of grade three
when she got called ugly
we both got moved to the back of the class
so we would stop get bombarded by spit balls
but the school halls were a battleground
where we found ourselves outnumbered day after wretched day
we used to stay inside for recess
because outside was worse
outside wed have to rehearse running away
or learn to stay still like statues giving no clues that we were there
in grade five they taped a sign to her desk
that read beware of dog

to this day
despite a loving husband
she doesnt think shes beautiful
because of a birthmark
that takes up a little less than half of her face
kids used to say she looks like a wrong answer
that someone tried to erase
but couldnt quite get the job done
and theyll never understand
that shes raising two kids
whose definition of beauty
begins with the word mom
because they see her heart
before they see her skin
that shes only ever always been amazing

he
was a broken branch
grafted onto a different family tree
adopted
but not because his parents opted for a different destiny
he was three when he became a mixed drink
of one part left alone
and two parts tragedy
started therapy in 8th grade
had a personality made up of tests and pills
lived like the uphills were mountains
and the downhills were cliffs
four fifths suicidal
a tidal wave of anti depressants
and an adolescence of being called popper
one part because of the pills
and ninety nine parts because of the cruelty
he tried to kill himself in grade ten
when a kid who still had his mom and dad
had the audacity to tell him get over it as if depression
is something that can be remedied
by any of the contents found in a first aid kit

to this day
he is a stick of TNT lit from both ends
could describe to you in detail the way the sky bends
in the moments before its about to fall
and despite an army of friends
who all call him an inspiration
he remains a conversation piece between people
who cant understand
sometimes becoming drug free
has less to do with addiction
and more to do with sanity

we werent the only kids who grew up this way
to this day
kids are still being called names
the classics were
hey stupid
hey spaz
seems like each school has an arsenal of names
getting updated every year
and if a kid breaks in a school
and no one around chooses to hear
do they make a sound?
are they just the background noise
of a soundtrack stuck on repeat
when people say things like
kids can be cruel?
every school was a big top circus tent
and the pecking order went
from acrobats to lion tamers
from clowns to carnies
all of these were miles ahead of who we were
we were freaks
lobster claw boys and bearded ladies
oddities
juggling depression and loneliness playing solitaire spin the bottle
trying to kiss the wounded parts of ourselves and heal
but at night
while the others slept
we kept walking the tightrope
it was practice
and yeah
some of us fell

but I want to tell them
that all of this shit
is just debris
leftover when we finally decide to smash all the things we thought
we used to be
and if you cant see anything beautiful about yourself
get a better mirror
look a little closer
stare a little longer
because theres something inside you
that made you keep trying
despite everyone who told you to quit
you built a cast around your broken heart
and signed it yourself
you signed it
they were wrong
because maybe you didnt belong to a group or a click
maybe they decided to pick you last for basketball or everything
maybe you used to bring bruises and broken teeth
to show and tell but never told
because how can you hold your ground
if everyone around you wants to bury you beneath it
you have to believe that they were wrong

they have to be wrong

why else would we still be here?
we grew up learning to cheer on the underdog
because we see ourselves in them
we stem from a root planted in the belief
that we are not what we were called we are not abandoned cars stalled out and sitting empty on a highway
and if in some way we are
dont worry
we only got out to walk and get gas
we are graduating members from the class of
**** off we made it
not the faded echoes of voices crying out
names will never hurt me

of course
they did

but our lives will only ever always
continue to be
a balancing act
that has less to do with pain
and more to do with beauty.