I think i have survivors guilt I don't have depression i have had it so i know this isn't this but i will randomly become sad for no reason at all, maybe i subconsciously feel guilty about my transplant its been kinda hitting me hard lately. When I was transferred to the adult cardiology i was required to see a physiologist I told him that i feel guilty about the transplant and he told me that is normal? I don't understand how is it normal he also told me that a lot of transplant patents feel this way, but why? I don't really know what to do about this im also mindF*cked now because of the psychosis I slipped into after the transplant that was border line traumatizing alone. But all that is in the past now im struggling hard with social anxiety i have read books on it meditation nofap claiming music for anxiety and nothing is really working my anxiety is really crippling at this point i just don't really know exactly what to do about it at this point. And I also wonder to this day if the doctors purposefully made me sick to the point were i needed the transplant in the first place I no longer trust doctors its all about $$$$ I have seen this sick sh*t first hand. Well that's it I think I just kinda felt like venting a little bit about everything. Also please don't get me wrong im very very thankful to the doctors, my donor and also god for being alive today. It was just the first hospital i was at were i did not feel safe.