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Tank Dempsey Kills
"Bring it, freak bags!"
— Unknown, possibly random while killing zombies





"They're swarming! Look out!"
— Unknown, possibly random while fighting a large group of zombies





"Hi I'm Dempsey, and you are... DEAD!"
— After killing a zombie





"K.I.A., Maggot sack!"
— After killing a zombie





"Oorah! They're droppin' like bad habits!"
— After killing a zombie





"You meatheads too stupid to quit?"
— After killing a zombie





"Aww, look, I just saved everyone's knees, I'm a hero!"
— After killing a crawler





"I told you I'm not on the menu!"
— After killing a zombie that hit him





"Hey, we need a clean up in aisle 4!"
— After killing many zombies





"Just what we need, a cluttered battlefield."
— After killing many zombies





"Oorah, Slackjaw sauce comin' up!"
— After killing many zombies





"Suck it!"
— After killing many zombies





"This just in, Dempsey is a ****' bad ass!"
— After killing many zombies





"I'm surrounded! Bring it mother-****!"
— After being surrounded by zombies





"That was SWEET!"
— After a group of zombies get blown up





"Smells like Zom-B-Q!"
— After lighting a group of zombies on fire





"Can't touch this!"
— After knifing a zombie. (A reference to M.C. Hammer's U Can't Touch This)





"Eat it, gut bags!"
— After knifing a zombie





"Go eat someone else!"
— After knifing a zombie





"Slice and Dice baby!"
— After knifing a zombie with the Bowie Knife





"OWNED!"
— After knifing a zombie or getting a headshot at close range





"Hey! Someone needs to clean up those freak bits!"
— After getting a headshot, or blowing up many zombies





"I don't think it was using that anyway."
— After getting a headshot





"Yeah! I had my eyes closed that time!"
— After getting a headshot





"Didn't anyone tell you, I'm a crack shot!"
— After getting headshot from long range





"Freak-meat-bag-sackers!!!"
— After getting a kill streak





"I'll swim in your skin, maggot-whores!"
— After getting a knife streak





"Oorah, Oorah, Oorah, OORAH!"
— After getting a knife streak





"Awesome! Bzzzzt!"
— After getting multiple kills from the Wunderwaffe DG-2





"Everything burns!"
— After burning zombies with the M2 Flamethrower. Possibly a reference to the film "The Dark Knight". This line was said by the Joker





"It's raining lead on you, pussbag!"
— After killing a zombie with a machine gun





"Shock and Awe!"
— After killing many zombies with the Wunderwaffe DG-3 JZ. A reference to the Call of Duty 4 campaign level





"I'm gonna miss that little guy."
— After a Monkey Bomb explodes





"Oorah, Monkey bones!"
— After a Monkey Bomb explodes





"See that little guy light 'em up!"
— After a Monkey Bomb explodes




Weapons and Mystery Box
"Aww...isn't that so **** cute?"
— After getting the Monkey Bomb





"Hey look, it's Richtofen's brother."
— After getting the Monkey Bomb





"Monkey see, monkey go blow some shit up."
— After getting the Monkey Bomb





"Time to gut these brainbags!"
— After getting the Bowie Knife





"Time to slice and dice!"
— After getting the Bowie Knife





"L'eggo my Wonder Waffle!"
— After getting the Wunderwaffe DG-2
A possible reference to the company Kellogg's company slogan, Leggo My Eggo.




"Time to shock some meatbag ass!"
— After getting the Wunderwaffe DG-2





"Blowin' off limbs is one of my specialties!"
— After getting a shotgun





"Nothing says "I love you," quite like a shotgun."
— After getting a shotgun





"Get the marshmallows, I'll light the fire!"
— After getting the M2 Flamethrower





"Looks like Santa got my letter."
— After getting the Ray Gun





"Where's this thing keep 160 rounds?"
— After getting the Ray Gun





"You won't be laughing when I get through with you!"
— After getting the Teddy Bear out of the Mystery Box





"A big toy for a big boy!"
— After getting a machine gun





"*Crazed Laughter*"
— After getting a heavy weapon out of the Mystery Box





"Time to rip shit up!"
— After getting the MG42





"Gotta round up some rounds..."
— After being low on/having no ammunition





"I can't do my job if I ain't packin' heat!"
— After being low on/having no ammunition





"You laughing at me? Not wise."
— After getting the Monkey Bomb




Power-ups
"JUUUIIICE!"
— After getting a Max Ammo power-up





"Much appreciated!"
— After getting a Max Ammo power-up





"Line 'em up!"
— After getting a Double Points power-up





"Rack 'em up!"
— After getting a Double Points power-up





"Oorah! (Demonic tone)"
— After getting the Carpenter power-up





"Oorah, devil man!"
— After getting the Carpenter power-up





"Dempsey's butcher shop is open for business!"
— After getting the Insta-Kill power-up




Perk-a-cola, Pack-a-Punch, and Teleporter
"I wonder how we can get to that..."
— After approaching the unopened Pack-a-Punch Machine





"Mmm, Pack-a-Punch. Must be named after me!"
— After approaching the Pack-a-Punch Machine





"Pack-a-punch. Reminds me of a sweet chick I knew once! Hehe."
— After approaching the Pack-a-Punch Machine





"This machine belongs in AWESOMETOWN!"
— After approaching the Pack-a-Punch Machine





"This German shit is slower than a freakbag tied to a tree!"
— After using the Pack-a-Punch Machine





"Gotta link up this terra..er, tele... bah... machine."
— After approaching a deactivated Teleporter





"Where's that mainframe again?"
— After approaching a deactivated Teleporter





"Anybody ever hear of a "Die Glocke"?"
— After approaching a Teleporter





"I think Richtofen knows more about what's going on than it seems..."
— After approaching a Teleporter





"Yah! I'm always into Jugg-a-nog [sic]."
— After getting Juggernog





"Yeah, I'm real thirsty partner..."
— After drinking Double Tap Root Beer





"I **** HATE fish!"
— After drinking the Quick Revive Soda





"*singing* I'll be drinking Jugg-er-nog tonight and uh *stops singing* I can totally get inside that chick."
— Randomly, mostly when upgrading a weapon





"Bring it on ****!"
— After taking an upgraded weapon in the Pack-a-Punch Machine





"That's what I need... more **** firepower!"
— After taking an upgraded weapon in the Pack-a-Punch Machine





"Oorah Pack a Punch! Where's that dead meat?"
— After taking an upgraded weapon in the Pack-a-Punch Machine




Interactive
"Poor Richtofen! Surrounded by his own creations!"
— After Richtofen is downed





"Hey Richtofen! Are you having a family reunion?"
— After witnessing Richtofen getting swarmed





"Richtofen's surrounded. Poor Kraut."
— After witnessing Richtofen getting swarmed





"Couldn't live without me, huh?"
— After being revived





"I must have slipped. Oorah."
— After being revived




Other
"Let's get this done..."
— Unknown, possibly when starting a game





"Imagine that! We need to turn the power on; how original!"
— Starting a game





"Ah, shit, here come the dogs!"
— Before a Hellhound round starts





"Shouldn't you guys be on a leash?"
— Before a Hellhound round starts





"When I find your master, I'm kicking his ass!"
— Before a Hellhound round starts





"*sigh* These Wonder-Waffles [sic], Ray Guns, teleporters, Die Glockes, uhh, whatever, let's just go kill some freak bags."
— Randomly




Nikolai Belinski Kills
"Even drunk, I am still too powerful for you."
— Randomly while killing a zombie




"**** YOU!"
— Randomly while killing a zombie





"Only man and wife should be so close!"
— After killing a zombie that has hit him





"Hows that for an ARM-y?! Get it? With the arms? **** you."
— After dismembering a zombie's arm





"Look, I just made a new pet. I'll take it for a walk for about 5 minutes while the rest of you dick around."
— After approaching a crawling zombie (Can reference to people using crawlers to buy time to do any necessary actions)





"Now we're BOTH legless!"
— After blowing a zombie's legs off.





"Zombies! We gotta move!"
— After being surrounded by zombies





"Die, Hell-pig!"
— After knifing a zombie





"Good, that **** song was driving me nuts!"
— After a Monkey Bomb explodes





"Ha Ha, you just got **** by a monkey!!"
— After a Monkey Bomb explodes





"*Grunt*...Did I just do that?"
— After getting a headshot




Weapons and Mystery Box
"Death is inevitable, like hangovers, I know."
— When getting a shotgun





"Even I can hit something with this!"
— After getting the FG-42





"Same weapon I used to kill my second wife. It was accident!...She talked too much."
— After getting the PTRS-41 or the PPSh-41





"This will hurt like syphilis. Believe me, I know"
— After getting an automatic weapon





"That's a big **** knife!"
— After getting the Bowie knife





"Someone is not sharing their ammo..."
— After running low on/out of ammunition





"Don't make me fight with broken vodka bottle!"
— After running low on/out of ammunition





"Without ammo, Soviet war machine will grind to halt!"
— After running low on/out of ammunition





"I have vodka, BUT NO **** AMMO!"
— After running low on/out of ammunition





"Back in Russia, I kill bears TEN TIMES your size!"
— After getting a teddy bear




Power-ups
"In Russia, supply lines are not THIS good..."
— After getting a Max-Ammo power-up





"I just boarded all the windows. Don't help or anything."
— After getting a Carpenter power-up





"In Russia, I was carpenter, you know."
— After getting a Carpenter power-up





"I've got the hammer. Go find me a sickle."
— After getting a Carpenter power-up (A reference to the Soviet insignia)





"I will share these points with State!"
— After getting a Double-Points power-up





"Points? I'm trying to stay alive here!"
— After getting a Double-Points power-up




Perk-a-cola, Pack-a-Punch, and Teleporter
"Wow, it's a distillery!...Oh, wait, it's teleporter."
— After approaching a deactivated Teleporter





"Now I have to run all the way back to the mainframe, so much **** running."
— After activating a Teleporter





"If this were Russia, you wouldn't have to do all this. You would press ONE button, and it would work."
— After linking a Teleporter to the mainframe





"Ugh, I feel like I will throw up..."
— After using a Teleporter





"Balls, check. Vodka, check. Okay I'm good."
— After using a Teleporter





"Ugh, that vodka was terrible. Oh wait, that was teleporter!""
— After using a Teleporter





"Hello? Can someone open this door to the really cool gadgets?"
— After approaching an unopened Pack-a-Punch Machine
<




"Pack-a-punch? Oh my god, I think it makes vodka"
— After approaching the Pack-a-Punch Machine





"Wow...when I get back, I should tell this to boss."
— After approaching the Pack-a-Punch Machine





"Urgh! That was worst vodka I ever tasted."
— After getting Juggernaut





"Now that I have speed, maybe I can drink vodka between kills!"
— After drinking Speed Cola




Interactive
"Use it well Tank. Use it well."
— After Tank Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb





"Is that a new pet, American?"
— When Tank Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb





"How come you always get the good guns, and I get the Colt?"
— After witnessing Tank Dempsey getting a good gun





"You're almost as brave as me, Dempsey."
— After witnessing Tank Dempsey running through a group of zombies





"You're killing them, I'm killing them. Even the **** Doc is killing them! Takeo!"
— Said randomly





"Did someone make joke?"
— After witnessing someone get the Teddy Bear





"I share your hatred for our stumpy nemesis-is-is...nemes-eye...uh, enemies."
— After hearing a remark about the Nazi Zombies





"Perhaps you are of use."
— After getting revived




Other
"I need a **** perk. Let's go get the power back on."
— At the beginning of the game





"The air reeks with the stench of dog shit."
— At the start of a hellround





"I need more money first, why do we not share the points?"
— After trying to buy something without enough points





"****! They're between me and my vodka!"
— Randomly



Takeo Masaki Kills
"Ahh..a small weapon, very dangerous, just like me."
— After killing a zombie with an SMG








"The power of my ancestors runs through my veins"
— After killing a group of zombies








"One less appendage..."
— After gibbing a zombie




Weapons and Mystery Box
"This will hold them back for a while! Ha Ha Ha!"
— Planting Bouncing Betties





"Do not mock me, Teddy Bear."
— After getting the Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box





"Ah, the little warrior."
— After getting the Monkey Bomb





"Even a monkey is smarter than Nikolai."
— After getting the Monkey Bomb





"Tickles..."
— Rarely after getting damaged by the Wunderwaffe





"My gun is like Dempsey's head. Empty"
— Said when out of ammo




Power-ups
"Don't drop limb, drop power up..."
— After gibbing and killing a zombie without a power up dropping




Perk-a-cola, Pack-a-Punch, Teleporter None added yet for this category. Please help out and add a quote.

Interactive
"You are a weak fool, Nikolai!"
— Said when Nikolai gets downed





"Nikolai has monkey. Monkey is smarter of the two."
— Said when Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb.





"My ancestors will have to wait for my arrival!"
— After being revived




Other
"Die you diseased dog!"
— At the start of a Hellhound round





"The spirits are toying with us."
— At the start of a Hellhound round





"I require more money."
— After trying to buy something without enough points




Dr. Richtofen Kills
"Do you know WHO I AM?!?!"
— After killing a zombie. Possibly a reference to him creating, or co-creating, the zombies.











"Excuse me, do you have the time? AHAHAHAHAHA!''"
— After killing a zombie











"I long to bathe naked...in your blood!"
— After killing a zombie











"Rest in peace, my little undead friend."
— After killing a zombie











"Stumpy was rude to the doctor. Stumpy paid the price."
— After killing a zombie











"The Doctor prescribes you.... PAIN!!"
— After killing a zombie











"Who's your daddy?"
— After killing a zombie











"You are my child. Bastard child, but child nonetheless."
— After killing a zombie











"Doctor recommends AMPUTATION!"
— After gibbing a zombie











"So many body parts! I am in HEAVEN!!"
— After gibbing a zombie











"Ed wants your head!."
— After getting a headshot











"Now let's see you clap! Hahaha!"
— After shooting off a zombie's arm











"Yes Child, Take your medicine."
— After getting a headshot











"You will not feed!"
— Killing a group of zombies, or getting a headshot











"This must be how Dempsey's mother must have felt when he was born!"
— After being surrounded by zombies











"Let us all have a sing-along for the corpses"
— After a Monkey Bomb explodes











"No more monkey sing-along for the cadavers."
— After a Monkey Bomb explodes











"Oh, my! It kills people! Brilliant!"
— After a Monkey Bomb explodes











"You cannot resist the power of the Wunderwaffe!"
— After getting several kills with the Wunderwaffe

Weapons and Mystery Box
"I will cut an apple with this! Ones ADAM'S APPLE"
— After purchasing the Bowie Knife





"Oh, it feels so good in my hands..."
— After getting the .357 Magnum





"So much lead, for ze dead! Oh, I'm a poet, and I didn't even know it! Ha ha!"
— After getting the MG42 or the Browning M1919





"Ich bin... **** ANGRY!"
— After getting Molotovs





"Maybe you move it because... you like me?"
— After getting the Teddy Bear in the Mystery Box





"Let Richtofen's carnival of horrors begin!"
— After getting the Monkey Bomb





"Ooh, a cute little monkey bomb for ze doctor"
— After getting the Monkey Bomb





"Play the cymbals of death, my little monkey friend."
— After getting the Monkey Bomb.





"I am useless!"
— After being low on/having no ammunition





"I need bullets to continue my work!"
— After being low on/having no ammunition





"No ammo? NOOOOOO!"
— After being low on/having no ammunition





"There is NOTHING left!"
— After being low on/having no ammunition





"Without any bullets there can be no bullet wounds!"
— After being low on/having no ammunition




Power-ups None added yet for this category. Please help out and add a quote.


Perk-a-cola, Pack-a-Punch, and Teleporter
"Ahh, I love it. STAY AWAY THIS IS MINE!"
— After using the Pack-a-Punch Machine





"Attach part A to grommet B... Oh screw it, just press buttons!"
— After approaching a deactivated Teleporter.





"Ahh it is still here!, err I mean what is this strange device?"
— After approaching a deactivated Teleporter.





"If I remember correctly, we need to link it to the mainframe where we first started. Ohh I mean this is so confusing!"
— After activating a Teleporter





"If only Maxis were here to see this."
— After activating a Teleporter





"Max Ammo Machine?! What a wonderful idea!"
— After buying the Amm-O-Matic, an unseen Perk Machine programmed into Der Riese.




Interactive
"A mere side-effect rush. Everything is normal..."
— After Nikolai Belinski complains about the teleporter making him nauseous





"Fascinating creatures, don't you think, Nikolai?"
— After Nikolai Belinski comments on the zombies





"Once again, Nikolai leads from the front"
— After Nikolai Belinski gets a kill





"Dempsey, I am not your babysitter"
— After Tank Dempsey gets downed





"Dempsey, when this is all over, I'm going to donate you to medical science."
— After Tank Dempsey says something





"Look! The missing link! And he's holding a monkey!"
— After witnessing Tank Dempsey getting the Monkey Bomb




Other
"There is probably one big switch somewhere that powers EVERYTHING. We Germans are very efficient."
— At the beginning of the game.











"Fluffy? Is that you?"
— At beginning of a Hellhound round.Refers to Samantha's dog, Fluffy.











"I require more money!"
— After trying to buy something without enough money.

Monkey Bomb
"Bye, bye, Zombies!"
— Before exploding








"Let's be friends!"
— While being primed.








"Get ready for a surprise!"
— Before exploding








"Is this the end?"
— Before exploding








"Let's play again!"
— Before exploding








"I'm coming Sam!"
— Before exploding. Obviously, this means Samantha is dead.








"You're not Sam..."
— While being primed








"Hello friend."
— While being primed








"Ow! Ooh! Ow!"
— After being thrown in the furnace








"You look friendly"
— While being primed








"I'm faulty"
— While being primed








"I'll miss you"
— Before exploding








"I hope we meet again!"
— Before exploding








"I love you"
— While being primed








"Hi! I'm Monkey. Wanna play?"
— While being primed








"I don't want to leave"
— Before exploding
Shared Quotes
"Nikolai: "This looks powerful..."

Tank: "Why don't you throw it at Richtofen?''"
— After Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb





"Dempsey: "Where the hell is everybody?!"

Richtofen: "Are you scared Dempsey? Do you want me to hold your hand?''"
— After Dempsey is swarmed





"Richtofen: "Ooh, a cute little monkey bomb for ze doctor!"

Tank:"Richtofen, that monkey's not alive. Quit talking to it!''"
— After Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb




Quote|Dempsey: Hey Richtofen, there's quite a party down here!
Richtofen: Dempsey can you keep the noise down, some of us are trying to work.
Demonic Announcer
"Ka-Boom!"
— After getting nuke power-up.





"Max Ammo!"
— After getting the Max Ammo power-up





"Insta-Kill!"
— After getting Insta-Kill





"Double Points"
— After getting Double Points





"Carpenter!"
— After getting the Carpenter power-up





"Bye Bye!"
— After getting Teddy Bear from the Mystery box





"FETCH ME THEIR SOULS!"
— When hellhounds appear (said in a much deeper voice than normal)





"[Demonic Laughter]"
— When the Teddy Bear appears




Samantha
"Uh Oh"
— When both hellhounds and pick ups spawn after teleporting





"Uh Oh, NO TREATS FOR YOU!"
— When hellhounds spawn after teleporting, without any pick ups





"I want to play a game... let's play Hide and Seek?!"
— After activating the Fly Trap





"Oh, you found one..."
— After finding the first item of the Fly Trap





"Wow, you found another one."
— After finding the another item of the Fly Trap





"You win... GAME OVER!"
— After finding all the items of the Fly Trap





"Why are you so cruel to Mr. Monkey? Mr. Monkey just wanted to PLAY!."
— After completing the Monkey Bomb in the furnace Easter Egg (See Der Riese#Easter Eggs)




Other
"Power Levels Critical..."
— Starting of the Game




"Teleport Successful"
— After Teleporting




"Electric Defense Active"
— After Using the Electro-Shock Defenses