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Some of my Poems, opinions? You got any?
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Some of my Poems, opinions? You got any?Posted:

Deathsbugsy
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A while back, i posted some of my first poems on here and got some positive comments from people. Now I want to see how good/bad you think these are. And please, if you have any of your own that you feel like sharing, please do so

Okay, Heres a couple.


Best Friends

If you ever need guidance,
Ill be here to lead you
And if you wanna be leader,
Ill follow in your footsteps.
When you're sad and need a hug
ill be here with arms wide open
And I know If I ever get lonely
I'll always have you as a bud.
We fight, we argue, we talk trash,
we may not speak for a while,
but I know if either of us need it
We got each other's backs.
Theres a special connection between us two
That no-one can replace
A bond that can never be broken
And you'll have it with very few.
Friends will be there to help you
If you ever get in trouble
Best friends will be the ones
Who were there with you too




Worse than betrayal.

I never saw it coming
What that thing would do.
POW, And my whole bodies numbing
Is this what my life comes to?
This is worse than a knife in the back
Cause you chose to apologize.
One shot, all it took, and my body goes slack
Tears roll down your eyes.
One last look, and all I see
red, blue and white lights.
And in the distance I see you flee
Under that empty black sky





This is my newest, and by far the most worked on poem ive written so far.


I was hungry for this war
with every bullet i wanted more
the guns had my stomach aching
and the bombs had me starving
Then I got my plate and started digging in
feeding this hunger from within
And sooner or later, what do you know
I bit off more than I could swallow
And now its caused me to choke
And caused everything to go up in smoke


Too little too late,
to change these people's fate.
Two ticks more
is all I needed to end this war,
But now look what I've done
This fights far from won.
They'll strike again and again
just like this until they win.


Now someone else will step up
ready to fight until he's none
Another idiot just like me
who wont ever be able to see
That this war isnt just a game
theres no second life or a hall of fame.
He gets one chance, just like me
hope he doesnt screw up, guess we'll see



The enemy's coming at him now
as he pulls the trigger with a 'Pow'
one falls, thousands more advance
as he hides, never changing stance.
Another one falls head over heel
onto the ground, becoming so still.
thats when he started to lose faith
as they all look his way.
But he still stands there in their path
Ready to face whatever their wrath.
So he fired once more, as they marched his way
And he had naught but three words to say
So they opened fire and he screamed 'Go to Hell'
And so they watched as his body just fell,
down to the ground where my plate had been served
down to a fate that he didnt deserve
#2. Posted:
SMIL3Z
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Those are..... AMazing... i wish i could write like that...
#3. Posted:
Llooyd
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Either you uploaded them to here, or you just took them off here.
#4. Posted:
Oakie
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Llooyd wrote [ Register or Signin to view external links. ]


Either you uploaded them to here, or you just took them off here.


[ Register or Signin to view external links. ]
#5. Posted:
Llooyd
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OakieZ wrote
Llooyd wrote [ Register or Signin to view external links. ]


Either you uploaded them to here, or you just took them off here.


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Haah!
#6. Posted:
Amitiel
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Copypasta is afoot.

Embrace Sleep.


Last edited by Amitiel ; edited 1 time in total
#7. Posted:
Llooyd
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CrylightDawn wrote [ Register or Signin to view external links. ]


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#8. Posted:
FDAAppr0v3d
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Best friends 9/10
w.o.b 6/10
Last one/ 8/10
#9. Posted:
iPure
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Wow... stolen much? my mom used to tell me those when I was a child!
#10. Posted:
Pop3-Iz-Tastey
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good work on the poems keep it up
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