:!: Hope you like my jokes - PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ THEM :!:
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A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids .

'That's nice', she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.



PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have big tits and lots of money.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

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A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do that, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM.

"Guaranteed, Yeah right!" he thought to himself. But desperate, he called them up and subscribed to the 3-day / 10 pound weight loss program.

The next day there was a knock on his door, and when he answered, there stood before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old young gal dressed in nothing but Nike running shoes, and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign read, "If you can catch me, you can have me!"

Without a second thought he took off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally caught her and had his way with her. After they were through and she left, he thought to himself, "I like the way this company does business!"

The same girl showed up for the next two days and the same thing happened. On the fourth day, he weighed himself and was delighted to find he had lost 10 pounds, as promised. He called the company and ordered their 5-day / 20 pound program.

The next day there was a knock on the door and there stood the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that read, "If you catch me, you can have me." He was out the door after her like a shot. This girl was in excellent shape and it took him a while to catch her, but when he did, it was worth every cramp and wheeze. For the next four days, the same routine happened. Much to his delight, on the fifth day, he weighed himself and found he had lost another 20 lbs, as promised!

He decided to go for broke and called the company to order the 7-day/ 50 pound program. "Are you sure?!" asked the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replied, "I haven't felt this good in years"

The next day there was a knock at the door and when he opened it he found a muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that read, "If I catch you, you're mine."

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A husband took his wife to play her first round of golf.....

Nervous, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the largest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in."

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique lamp was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that lamp for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like 2 million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life! And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a beautiful home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that lamp and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for you!"

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other.

After about a couple of hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 36," she responded breathlessly.

"No kidding," he said, "Thirty-six years old and both of you still believe in genies?

:!: Hope you like these Jokes - Please take the time to read them! :!:

-P.L.C