Why im posting this here will remain unknown. Both to me, and the community.

The past few years of my life had been that of a downhill spiral. My parents had divorced, my dad took everything, completely leaving my life. He took everything leaving me, my mom, and my two brothers broke. Ive had to move quite a few times, schools, houses. Ive left my life behind too many times.

Were currently residing in a small two room house, in north Ontario. Ive had to completely leave my friends and life that i had grown up with to start over again. Its been a good 3 years since that move. My mom had to battle C.A.S to approve of the move. Two years ago i had to sleep in a basement owned by one of my moms friends, my whole family, while we had weekly sessions with the children's lawyer to approve of our move to north Ontario. We had only finally got the approval when i had noticed what was happening.

We have now resided in this house for a good 3 years, its nowhere near perfect, nowhere near good, but still we sustain to live in it. All 5 of us, a two room house. S

School has become a problem, what i once use to be good at, i am no more. My marks have dropped, severely. Although i work my hardest, and do my work to the best of my abilities i still seem to receive low marks. I am now failing English with a 24. Passing Canadian Law only just with a 67, and passing World Religions with a 63. What i once wanted to be, has been slowly drifting away.

You may be wondering why im posting this, why i am worrying. Surly life cannot be that bad, sure your marks are crap and your past has been a complete hell but why worry about it. Well that seems to be the problem. The thoughts of my life are slowly taking a toll on me.

I have plenty of friends, im a fairly liked person. I have a girlfriend that i love oh so dearly. Why could life be so horrible, how could it be so bad. When attending school i feel fine, the presence of others distracts my brain, i express my emotions through humor, i make others laugh. When im at home, alone. The thought wont leave my mind, this thought is unknown to me, depression, lack of confidence, guilt. I cannot pin point the thoughts that i am now feeling. I feel as if there is no point in life, as if i am here for no reason. Ever since i was young i made the joke of being homeless, growing old to be the poorest of the poor. What was once a joke has now become a reality. The thoughts of being next to nothing in the future is what makes me feel the way i do.

Some of you will think, well this kids going to commit suicide. Well im not, ive thought about it yes. Would i like to do it remains undecided. Do i have the gut to do it, no i dont. Will i ever, no i wont. I know this for a fact. Im simply not the type to just jump of a bridge, to shoot myself in the head, nor to hang myself by a simple rope tied to the ceiling.

Why am i writing this, i dont know. To help me vent possibly? Im a smart kid, i have friends, family, and even a girlfriend who thinks so. I know im smart, yet school says otherwise. Know i know your thinking, school? Is this why? Your depressed about school, of all things you could possibly be depressed about, your depressed about school. About becoming a nothing?

The fact is, i dont know why im writing this. As i go on to type i think to myself if i even have a valid reason to write this, why im posting this on a gaming forum, a gaming website. Who will read this, nobody cares.

My whole life ive been told of my intelligence. The sad reality is, am i actually as intelligent as others believe me to think? Sadly ive come to think that im posting this to make others feel like absolute shit. To care for my being.

Im a grade 11 Canadian student. Im 16, this Monday i will go on to receive my G2, a big accomplishment if i might say. Im nowhere near the end of my life, nor half way through. Still i go on to believe that i have nothing to live for. Though i dont have the gut to commit suicide i will go on to feel like absolute shit. I guess the real reason im posting this is to see whats wrong with me, souly for the reason because im too shy to talk to others about the situation, nor my parents.

Ive thought that smoking weed helps with this depression, although weed is expensive. Ive grown marijuana, but i smoke it like a chimney, i am not addicted. Im not in withdrawal, i have always felt like this. It is only now that im beginning to feel worse. Im going to explode, i cannot withstand all of these emotions any more. I need to get them out, some way. I suppose this is just my way of releasing my emotions.