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Constructive critisism needed *Poem*
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Constructive critisism needed *Poem*Posted:

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  • Powerhouse
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Joined: Jan 18, 201014Year Member
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Please dont just say you suck, at least give the reason or suggest a new line please and thanks.

Violence is not needed
But this is how were used to being treated
We started out as sister and brother
And now we try to kill each other.
I just don't see the reason
But many would consider what im saying as treason
I'm not saying we should try for world peace.
For lets be honest that idea is long deceased.
I just want people to treat one another with respect
instead of talking shit and showing them neglect.
We let religion decide what we think about people to often
If we continue to let god or another higher power control us we'll all end up in a coffin.
Im not saying religion is bad.
Just the fact that we judge people because of it is sad.
So what im saying is No matter the time,
In every soul there is something good to find.
#2. Posted:
Beast_MoDe_MoDz
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needs more sexual intercourse going on
#3. Posted:
Third_Eye
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Pretty good poem. I thought it was going to be some garbage some random idiot made up to try and look cool, but I was wrong. That was really amazing. All I could say is try to fix up this line: "If we continue to let god or another higher power control us we'll all end up in a coffin." It may offend some people and it's just a bit too long. Since it's long, you have to get through all of those words just to hear the rhyme to the last word in the previous line. Also saying that it could have you ending up in a coffin may really offend or scare some people. Try making it say that it can't control your life or something like that.

Overall, a 9/10 from me
#4. Posted:
Tenacity
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What the hell?

That poem is pretty decent!
I like how it rhymes every two lines. You've got potential friend, keep it up!
#5. Posted:
SS4
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Bro this is amazing (:
#6. Posted:
foo
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It's good, but with the rhyming, you should do alternate lines, not consecutive.

E.G:

The cat was bad
The Dog was good
The cat was mad
The dog was full of mud


All in all, good :3
#7. Posted:
Ripe
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I'm surprised. That was really good. The only thing you may need to improve is the length of the lines, they were all over the place. But other than that nice poem and I like the point you're making.
#8. Posted:
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  • Powerhouse
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Rule34 wrote Pretty good poem. I thought it was going to be some garbage some random idiot made up to try and look cool, but I was wrong. That was really amazing. All I could say is try to fix up this line: "If we continue to let god or another higher power control us we'll all end up in a coffin." It may offend some people and it's just a bit too long. Since it's long, you have to get through all of those words just to hear the rhyme to the last word in the previous line. Also saying that it could have you ending up in a coffin may really offend or scare some people. Try making it say that it can't control your life or something like that.

Overall, a 9/10 from me
Thanks , and yea I thought that line might be a little to strong , thank you all that have left a response I really appreciate it.
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