1.)Chuck Norris counted to infinity...twice.

2.)Chuck Norris can win a game of connect four in only three moves.

3.)Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

4.)Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

5.)Chuck Norris knows every digit of pi.

6.)Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

7.)Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

8.)Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and he got one.

9.)When Chuck Norris does a push up he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the earth down.

10.)Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

11.)Chuck Norris is the first person to walk on the sun.

12.)Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child.The bed wet itself out of fear.

13.)Chuck Norris believe its not butter.

14.)Chuck Norris tears care cancer,too bad he never cried.

15.)Jesus walked on water but Chuck Norris swam through land.

16.)Chuck Norris hand is the only hand to ever beat a royal flush.

17.)Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paperclips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

18.)Chuck Norris once round house kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was
flying over the pacific ocean.

19.)There is no theory of evolution just a list of animals Chuck Norris allowed to live.

20.)When Chuck Norris was born, the only person that cried was the doctor.

21.)When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

22.)We live in an expanding universe, all of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

23.)In an average room there are 1,242 objects that Chuck Norris can use to kill you including the room itself.

24.)If first you dont succeed your not Chuck Norris.

25.)Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits.

26.)There is no chin behind Chuck Norris beard, there is only another fist.

27.)The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

28.)Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird.

29.)Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

30.)Chuck Norris roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

31.)Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling,Bang.

32.)Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

33.)Chuck Norris does not use spell check,if he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

34.)God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

35.)Ironically, Chuck Norris hidden talent is invisibility.

36.)Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.

37.)Chuck Norris does know what Willis is talking about.

38.)Some people wear Superman pajamas,Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

39.)Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack,his heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

40.)According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

41.)When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.

42.)Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he just stares them down until he gets the information he wants out of them.

43.)Chuck Norris is suing NBC for their show Law & Order claiming it is the trademarked names of his left and right legs.

44.)If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more than you.

45.)Chuck Norris turns on a night light when he goes to bed. It's not because he's scared of the dark it's Because the dark is scared of him.

46.)Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

47.)Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.

48.)There is no 'Ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

49.)When Chuck Norris falls out of a boat he dosn't get wet the water gets Chuck Norrised.

50.)Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

51.) Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

52.)Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

53.)Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the f#@$ he wants.

54.)Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

55.)Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

56.)Chuck Norris can speak braille.

57.)Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

58.)Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

59.)Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

60.)Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

61.)Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

62.)Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

63.)Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.

64.)Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

65.)Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

66.)Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

67.)Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

68.)Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

69.)Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

70.)Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.

71.)If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

72.)Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

73.)Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

74.)Chuck Norris can rhyme orange and purple with each other.

75.)Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire.

76.)Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard,deflecting them. JFKs head exploded out of sheer amazement.

77.)Chuck Norris can beat the Sun in a staring contest.

78.)Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

79.)Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.

80.)Chuck Norris can split the atom, with his bare hands.

81.)Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.

82.)Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

83.)Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

84.)Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

85.)Chuck Norris doesnt have blood. He is filled with magma.

86.)Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow.

87.)Chuck Norris eats lightning and farts thunder.

88.)Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.

89.)Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

90.)Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb.

91.)Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

92.)Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earths atmosphere,streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

93.)Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels.

94.)Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.

95.)Chuck Norris pulse is measured on the Richter scale.

96.)Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.

97.)Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.

98.)Chuck Norriss body temperature is 98.6 degrees Celsius.

99.)Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus.

100.)Chuck Norris can J-tag a Xbox 360 using only a spoon and a PS3 while he is playing Wii Fit.

101.)Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

102.)Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.

103.)Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.

104.)Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.

105.)The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

106.)The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.

107.)The opening scene of the movie Saving Private Ryan is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

108.)The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!

109.) The worlds fastest car has 6 gears1 2 3 4 5 and Chuck Norris.[From TTG_Mikal]

110.) Time waits for no man, unless that man is Chuck Norris.

111.) TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.

112.) To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.

113.) When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

114.) When Chuck Norris goes hunting he shoots himself in the leg to give the bear a head start.

115.) When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame.

116.) When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendys.[From 7LobbiesRus]

117.) Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.[From TTG_Mikal]

118.) You are what you eat. Chuck Norris eats steel.

119.) You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless youre Chuck Norris.

120.) People say there is nothing to fear but fear its self but fear says there is nothing to fear but Chuck Norris.

121.) Chuck Norris just pissed your pants.

122.)It never rains on Chuck Norris.

123.)Every cell in Chuck Norriss body has its own cell.

124.)Rainbow are what happens when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Richard Simmons.

125.) Chuck Norris can travel back in time by running eighty-eight miles per hour.

126.)Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.

127.) Chuck Norris won a staring contest with Medusa.

128.)When you open a can of whoop ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.

129.) Chuck Norris once played Jenga, the result was the Empire State.

130.) Chuck Norris only allows Jackie Chan to live because he likes Chris Tucker movies.

131.) Chuck Norris once defeated a laser beam in the hundred meter dash.

132.)Ozzy Osbourne once bit the head off a bat. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris then bit theheadoff Batman.

133.)As a child, Chuck Norris played Hungry Hungry Hippos with real Hippos.

134.) Chuck Norriss Rice Krispies dont say crap until he gives them the OK.

135.) Chuck Norris once pulled a building out of a burning building.

136.) Chuck Norriss morning run is along the Autobahn.

137.)The reason we havent found Osama bin Laden is because Chuck Norris found him first.

138.)Unlike Santa, Chuck Norris never has to check his list twice.

139.) Chuck Norris motorcycle has four wheel drive on it.

140.) Chuck Norris is, therefore I am afraid.

141.)When ghost go camping, they sit around the fire and tell stories about Chuck Norris.

142.) Chuck Norris covers his slip n slide with gravel.

143.) Chuck Norris can stare you down with his back turned.

144.)Charles Darwin based his survival of the fittest theory on Chuck Norris.

145.) Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.

146.)A solar eclipse is the suns attempt to hide from Chuck Norris.

147.) Chuck Norris can put out forest fires by taking a piss.

148.)Jesus follow Chuck Norris on Twitter.

149.)The first Running of the Bulls took place when Chuck Norris visited Pamplona to see the towns prized live stock.

150.) Chuck Norris knows Victorias secret.

151.) Chuck Norris can charge a cell phone just by rubbing it against his beard

152.) Chuck Norris once leaned against a tower in Pisa, Italy.

153.) Chuck Norris drives a pickup truck upholstered in denim.

154.) Chuck Norris carved Mount Rushmore by himself with his teeth, it only took thirty seconds.

155.) Chuck Norris once wrestled a bear, an alligator, and a mountain lion all at once, by tying them together with an anaconda.

156.) Chuck Norris gargles with antifreezes.

157.) Chuck Norrisends every relationship with its not me, its you

158.) A masked man once stabbed Chuck Norris in an alley behind a children hospital, too bad the knife bled to death.

159.) Chuck Norris can turn back time simply by staring at the clock and flexing.

160.) Chuck Norris combs his hair with the teeth of a mighty lion.

161.) Water boils faster when Chuck Norris watches it.

162.) Switzerland isnt really neutral, they just havent figured out what side Chuck Norris is on yet.

163.) Chuck Norris once entered a crossword-puzzle contest, he won and the word slent was added to all dictionaries as an acceptable synonym for smell.

163.) As a child Chuck Norris enjoyed long walks on the beach, particularly Iwo Jima and Normandy.

164.) Everything that Chuck Norris touches does not turn to gold, instead it grows a bread.

165.) Chuck Norris has Braille on his boots so that even blind people will know whats coming.

166.) When Chuck Norris breaks wind, its stays broken.

167.) Chuck Norris once lit a fart while camping in the Sahara Forest.

168.) Chuck Norris once brought a man back to life twice and killed him three times because the man had the audacity to die before Chuck Norris was finished killing him.

169.) Chuck Norris once stuck lightning.

170.) The only time Chuck Norris has ever been wrong is the time he thought he had made a mistake.

171.) Chuck Norris cleans the wax out of his ears with a knife.

172.) Chuck Norris does not wear a cup, he wears a barrel.

173.) Chuck Norris was born with two umbilical cords, one red and one blue. The bomb squad cut the wrong one.

174.) Chuck Norris can kill you more ways than you know how you can die.

175.) Chuck Norris once squeezed a M&M so hard that it turned into a Skittle.

176.) Never use the phrase eat my heart out around Chuck Norris, He will do it.

177.) Jesus turned water into wine, Chuck Norris turned wine into a bad temper and an aggravated assault.

178.) Chuck Norris eats his birthday cake without blowing out the candles.

179.) To Chuck Norris a balanced breakfast must include an entire seesaw covered in thumbtacks.

180.) Every time Chuck Norris throws a penny in a fountain, there is a 0.017 increase in the value of the Canadian dollar.

181.) The world was actually flat untilChuck Norris made it curl up in a ball of fear.

182.) In the efforts to stop teens from smoking, the Surgeon Generals warning on cigarettes will soon be replaced with an illustration of a glaring Chuck Norris.

183.) The original name for the popular video game Halo was MasterChief and Chuck Norris vs. the Aliens.

184.) The ornament on Chuck Norris pickup truck is a live eagles head.

185.) Chuck Norris star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame was the first to go supernova.

186.) Someone once put Chuck Norris on hold, thats where the term choke hold comes from.

187.) Chuck Norris has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.

188.) Hellen Kellers favorite color is Chuck Norris.

189.) Chuck Norris coined the phrase I could eat a horse after he ate the last unicorn in existence.

190.) Chuck Norris drives an ice-cream truck covered in human skulls.

191.) Chuck Norris does not believe in the color blue, only the color red.

192.) Chuck Norris is a mans mans man.

193.) E=Chuck Norris^2

194.) Chuck Norris doesnt need a weapon, he is one.

195.) Chuck Norris can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right.

196.) Everyone has a skeleton in their closet, Chuck Norris has 7,484.

197.) Chuck Norris will eat your soul for a Klondike Bar.

198.) Chuck Norris can make Communism work, but never would.

199.) Chuck Norris loves Mudkips if you dont believe me press left, left, left, right ,right, right, up, up, up, down, down.

200.) If you disagree with Chuck Norris he will karate chop into a bajillion pieces, he is aware that this is not a number but if you call him on it, hell round house kick you into a quabillion.

201.) Chuck Norris doesnt have a chin, he has a 3rd fist under his beard.[From XxBsP-GFX]

202.) Chuck Norris doesnt do pushups, he pushes the world down.[From XxBsP-GFX]

203.) If you see a woman will cracked teeth, shes given Chuck Norris a bj.[From XxBsP-GFX]

204.) Chuck Norris can eat just one Lays potato chip.

205.) Chuck Norris is strong enough to punch through steel, yet delicate enough to cradle a newborn to sleep.

206.) Chuck Norris never camps in Cod games, he only seeks.

207.) Chuck Norris was the first person to tame a dinosaur.

208.) Chuck Norriss body hair is ten times stronger than spider silk and fifty times stickier.

209.) Chuck Norris is so smart, Stephen Hawking stood up to bow down to him.

210.) Chuck Norris can fit five billiard balls in his mouth.

211.) The book of Revelations was actually written by Chuck Norris in a moment of prophecy.

212.) Who are Chuck Norriss parents? Might, Justice, and Cunning the answer all three.

213.) The reason why the Mona Lisa smiles is because of Chuck Norris.

214.) If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck Norris would kick your ass and take your dollar.

215.) If Chuck Norris had a dime for every man that didnt die from his roundhouse kick, he would have no dimes.

216.) Chuck Norris keeps a horde of trained bees under his beard to let loose at a moments notice.

217.) Chuck Norris is considered a prime number in certain schools in Ontario.

218.) Chuck Norriss poop is used as currency in Argentina.

219.) At Chuck Norriss bachelor party, he ate the entire cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

220.) Chuck Norris eats coal and craps diamonds.

221.) Chuck Norris can make your nose bleed with his mind.

222.) Chuck Norris trims his beard with a dull bayonet.

223.) Chuck Norris can eat a Rubiks cube unsolved and poop it solved.

224.) WhenChuck Norris farts, it smells like freshly baked cinnamon rolls.

225.) Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

226.) Chuck Norris is where babies come from.

227.) Chuck Norris is the reason why bad things happen to good people.

228.) Chuck Norriss family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.

229.) The symbol for Chuck Norris in sign language is the middle finger on fire.

230.) Chuck Norris once tobogganed down Mount Everest and sprinted back to the top when he realized he had lost his mittens.

231.) Chuck Norris wipes with forty-grit sandpaper.

232.) Chuck Norris once played Jenga, the result was the Empire State building.

233.) Chuck Norris eats tigers hearts every morning for strength, power, and wisdom. He also eats mens hearts for sport.

234.) Chuck Norris remembers the Alamo, and he isnt happy about it.

235.) Chuck Norris solved the Bermuda triangle by using the Pythagorean Theorem.

236.) Chuck Norris doesnt give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your present from Chuck Norris.

237.) Chuck Norris once got into a fight with Lance Armstrong over w ho had more balls, Chuck Norris won by three.

238.) If Chuck Norris could be any type of tree, he would be a titanium.

239.) Chuck Norris can send faxes by stroking his beard close to the phone.

240.) Chuck Norris beat IBMs Deep Blue computer at chess in three moves, he had only a pawn, a thimble, and a checker.

241.) When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

242.) Chuck Norris visited the Lincoln Memorial and Abe offered him his seat.

243.) If Chuck Norris were a woman, wouldnt have a period. He would have a exclamation point.

244.) Chuck Norris never loses a game of Clue, despite the fact everyone knows his the murderer and used his foot to do it.

245.) Chuck Norriss real name is Switchblade Killingsworth, he change it to Chuck Norris because it sounded tougher.

246.) Chuck Norris once broke 13 mirrors on 13 black cats under a ladder on Friday the 13th, later that day he won the lottery.

247.) Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norriss house is a Total Gym.

248.) Chuck Norris can break-dance on thin ice.

249.) Chuck Norris doesnt have an open-door policy but he does have a closed-fist policy.

250.) The only person to ever beat Chuck Norris in the game of rock-paper-scissors was a Mexican astronaut that went by the alias Eduardo the Magnificent.

251.) Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.

252.) Chuck Norris, when clean-shaven, radiates the heat of three suns.

253.) Chuck Norris has no concept of time; if you go to his house you wont find a single clock, when you ask to leave because its getting too late he stares you blankly until you sit back down.

254.) Chuck Norris was the Jewish Humanitarian of the Year.

255.) Chuck Norris will never fully be male nor female. Doctors once asked him which he preferred. He gave them an ad for a Total gym.

256.) Chuck Norris began the Church of England in 1799, back when his name was England.

257.) Chuck Norris can make you run a mile in less than ten parsecs.

258.) Why did the chicken cross the road, because of Chuck Norris.

259.) They use Chuck Norriss foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium.

260.) Chuck Norris was voted Most likely to save a POW using a mule kick by his senior class.

261.) Chuck Norris has a Wrangler belt in karate.

262.) Chuck Norris isnt God, but he beats him in golf.

263.) When he is alone at night, Chuck Norris likes to wear slippers with real live bunnies on them.

264.) Chuck Norris is so fertile when he bangs a chick in American, a chick in China gets pregnant.

265.) To Chuck Norris doorknobs and toilets are seen as merely suggestions.

266.) Chuck Norris middle name is space.

267.) Chuck Norris wears bear traps for sandals.

268.) For every man you dont kill, Chuck Norris kills seven.

269.) God wanted ten days to create the world, Chuck Norris gave him six.

270.) If MacGyver and Chuck Norris were locked in a room together, Chuck Norris would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

271.) Not only does Chuck Norris talk in the fourth person, he sees in fourth person.

272.) Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you.

273.) Chuck Norris is Voltrons personal trainer.

274.) Chuck Norris successfully mated a graham cracker with a knife.

275.) On Chuck Norris house there is a sign that says BEWARE OF CHUCK NORRIS in 101 languages.

276.) Chuck Norris was disqualified from the 1992 Olympic shot-put championships for reversing the polarity of Earth.

277.) Chuck Norris puts RAGE in courage.

278.) Coroners refer to dead people as ABCs: Already Been Chucked.

279.) Giraffes were created after Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

280.) Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.

281.) The only thing that gets between Chuck Norris and Justice is an equal sign.

282.) In his will, Chuck Norris has specified that if he dies he will bury himself.

283.) When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he exhales on Nebraska.

284.) Chuck Norris hosts 13th prestige lobbies, and when his Xbox gets banned him round house kicks his Xbox to unban it.

285.) In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, The winner would be Chuck Norris.

286.) When Google cant find something, they Norris it.

287.) On humid days, Chuck Norriss beard also doubles as a fly zapper.

288.) Chuck Norris has made in the U.S.A on his taint.

289.) Chuck Norris has 189 STDs, including six found only in sharks.

290.) Every time Chuck Norris kills someone, an angel gets its beard.

291.) The devil sold his soul to spend one minute as Chuck Norris.

292.) Chuck Norris can peel potatoes with his eyelids.

293.) Chuck Norris doesnt breathe, he holds air hostage.

294.) 2+2=Chuck Norris.

295.) Chuck Norris has a Boy Scott merit badge in donkey punching.

296.) Chuck Norris has three sons Justice, Pain, No-mercy.

297.) When Chuck Norris fights in court, the Stenographer is always the first to go.

298.) Chuck Norris owns all things in the universe including you.

299.) Chuck Norris is a proud sponsor of cement.

300.)Chuck Norris is NEVER gonna give you...