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A mass amount of jokes.
Posted:
A mass amount of jokes.Posted:
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Joined: Mar 20, 201212Year Member
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Well, I'm bored and have a lot of jokes. Some I made up myself, some I have come across on teh interwebz or le android app's. Quite a long list and if there are joke's not on here that you think are quite funny, feel free to post in the comment's!
Read first-
Well, here are the jokes:
Roses are t*ts, Violets are t*ts, I love t*its.. t*ts. :trollin:
To the person who stole my Microsoft Office, I will get you! You have my word.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and a washing machine? My washing machine doesn't spit my load out.
School is like a boner.. long and hard. Unless you're asian.
"THIS IS THE POLICE, OPEN THE DOOR NOW!!"
"Not with that attitude. young man."
I bought a dog once, he had no legs.. I called him cigarette. I enjoyed taking him out for a drag.
So, a guy comes into a bar.. wait, no, it's a horse! So, a guy comes into a horse.
America is the only country that can take French toast, Canadian bacon, an English muffin and then call it an 'all American breakfast'
Y.O.L.O-You Only Live Once.
My top reason not to do stupid sh*t!
Y.O.L.O backwards is O.L.O.Y which stands for; Only Idiots Obey Y.O.L.O
I put helium in my blow up doll. I like girls who play hard to get!
Failed my politics exam. Apparently the answer to "Describe the role India plays in the modern world" is not "Tech support."
The number of followers you have means nothing, Hitler had millions, Jesus had only 12(thought the believers might enjoy this one?)
*How girl's become friend's-"OMG, I love your shoes"
*How guy's become friend's-"Excuse me good sir, I see you f*ck b*tches, I myself, also f*ck b*tches!"
If I had a dollar every time I had no idea what was going on, I would be asking everyone why they were giving me dollar's!
"Well, that doesn't look like a foot"
thought the sock.
Definition:
Microwave(noun)-A polite hand gesture used by midgets or dwarfs as a form of greeting or farewell.
I wasn't sure why thew doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and sh*t myself.
Some a$$ wrote 'ret*rd' on my car window. Took me ages to lick it off!
The sound of laughter always cheers me up.. except when I'm home alone, and the power goes out!
Do g*y midgets come out of the cabinet?
FUN FACT-
100% of the people reading this are alive.
I'm more upset than a midget with a yo-yo.
Well, 'The Avengers' was good.. I guess you could say it was.. MARVELlous.
Have you ever noticed that a lot of celebrities were ugly as teenagers? This can mean only one thing.. I'm gonna be famous!!
If I died and went straight to hell.. it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work.
If a red head works at a bakery, does that make him.. a ginger bread man?
Q-If you were describe yourself in one word, what would it be?
A-Bad at following directions!
If words could kill.. I'd sentence you to death.
1-Take homework out of backpack.
2-Reward self with 2 hours of internet for making it this far.
What do you call a Mexican pedophile?
A pedrophile.
Why is there no 'I' in team? 'Cause the little Pixar lamp stomped the sh*t out of it.
Humanity is losing it's geniuses. Einstein, Newton, Aristotle and now I'm not feeling well.
What do you call a blind German? A not-see.
*In principal's office*
Him:"Take a seat"
Me:"Thank you.." *picks up chair and leaves*
The battery on my phone dies quicker than a black guy in a horror movie.
I'm a really down to earth guy, 'cause you know..
Gravity.
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are a dollar fifty and deer nuts are under a buck.
None of this was copy and paste.. it took a long time to write out and I would appreciate feedback, etc..! Thanks for the view guys!
Read first-
These are just jokes, I don't mean to be offensive so if any of these jokes offend you, I sincerely apologize. I hope you giggle at least once.. even just a little. Feel free to use these jokes whenever and wherever you like.
Well, here are the jokes:
Roses are t*ts, Violets are t*ts, I love t*its.. t*ts. :trollin:
To the person who stole my Microsoft Office, I will get you! You have my word.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and a washing machine? My washing machine doesn't spit my load out.
School is like a boner.. long and hard. Unless you're asian.
"THIS IS THE POLICE, OPEN THE DOOR NOW!!"
"Not with that attitude. young man."
I bought a dog once, he had no legs.. I called him cigarette. I enjoyed taking him out for a drag.
So, a guy comes into a bar.. wait, no, it's a horse! So, a guy comes into a horse.
America is the only country that can take French toast, Canadian bacon, an English muffin and then call it an 'all American breakfast'
Y.O.L.O-You Only Live Once.
My top reason not to do stupid sh*t!
Y.O.L.O backwards is O.L.O.Y which stands for; Only Idiots Obey Y.O.L.O
I put helium in my blow up doll. I like girls who play hard to get!
Failed my politics exam. Apparently the answer to "Describe the role India plays in the modern world" is not "Tech support."
The number of followers you have means nothing, Hitler had millions, Jesus had only 12(thought the believers might enjoy this one?)
*How girl's become friend's-"OMG, I love your shoes"
*How guy's become friend's-"Excuse me good sir, I see you f*ck b*tches, I myself, also f*ck b*tches!"
If I had a dollar every time I had no idea what was going on, I would be asking everyone why they were giving me dollar's!
"Well, that doesn't look like a foot"
thought the sock.
Definition:
Microwave(noun)-A polite hand gesture used by midgets or dwarfs as a form of greeting or farewell.
I wasn't sure why thew doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and sh*t myself.
Some a$$ wrote 'ret*rd' on my car window. Took me ages to lick it off!
The sound of laughter always cheers me up.. except when I'm home alone, and the power goes out!
Do g*y midgets come out of the cabinet?
FUN FACT-
100% of the people reading this are alive.
I'm more upset than a midget with a yo-yo.
Well, 'The Avengers' was good.. I guess you could say it was.. MARVELlous.
Have you ever noticed that a lot of celebrities were ugly as teenagers? This can mean only one thing.. I'm gonna be famous!!
If I died and went straight to hell.. it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work.
If a red head works at a bakery, does that make him.. a ginger bread man?
Q-If you were describe yourself in one word, what would it be?
A-Bad at following directions!
If words could kill.. I'd sentence you to death.
1-Take homework out of backpack.
2-Reward self with 2 hours of internet for making it this far.
What do you call a Mexican pedophile?
A pedrophile.
Why is there no 'I' in team? 'Cause the little Pixar lamp stomped the sh*t out of it.
Humanity is losing it's geniuses. Einstein, Newton, Aristotle and now I'm not feeling well.
What do you call a blind German? A not-see.
*In principal's office*
Him:"Take a seat"
Me:"Thank you.." *picks up chair and leaves*
The battery on my phone dies quicker than a black guy in a horror movie.
I'm a really down to earth guy, 'cause you know..
Gravity.
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are a dollar fifty and deer nuts are under a buck.
None of this was copy and paste.. it took a long time to write out and I would appreciate feedback, etc..! Thanks for the view guys!
#2. Posted:
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Joined: Aug 08, 201212Year Member
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D*mn nice and think you
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#3. Posted:
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Haha, great thread. Keep it updated.
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#4. Posted:
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Joined: Aug 24, 201212Year Member
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Some are funny others are meh. Heard a lot of them before but a few i didn't.
overall nice post and thanks for the laughs.
overall nice post and thanks for the laughs.
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#5. Posted:
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post more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#6. Posted:
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DANIELIVI wrote post more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Will be updating the post every 6 or 7 days as long as it stays active!
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#7. Posted:
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Hahahaahah Keep This Up
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#8. Posted:
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funny thing is you posted this on may 20th so why did u repost it
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#9. Posted:
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i like the last 1 it made me lol
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