H.o.m.e.w.o.r.k = Half of my energy wasted on random knowledge

"I wasnt that drunk..." "Dude, you were telling 'Yo mama' jokes to orphans..."

The awkward moment when a boy has bigger boobs than a girl

B-E-F-O-R-E Not B4 we speak english,not bingo..

Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?

I don't make typos; I make new words.

Uses for gtg - 10%- I actually have to go. 30%- I'm too lazy to keep texting 60%- I do not want to talk to you.

You were beautiful until your Photoshop 30 days trial expired..

Have you ever wanted to comment on someone's Facebook status, and say "no one cares"?

Everyone has that one friend that ignore their calls, then act like they never got the call in the first place.