You are viewing our Forum Archives. To view or take place in current topics click here.
Please Proof-Read!
Posted:

Please Proof-Read!Posted:

-Pickaxe
  • Junior Member
Status: Offline
Joined: Oct 01, 201212Year Member
Posts: 72
Reputation Power: 2
Status: Offline
Joined: Oct 01, 201212Year Member
Posts: 72
Reputation Power: 2
Hey TTG, this is the best spot I could find to post this but here is the story; I am studying debate in my English class and was asked to write a persuasive essay. I choose the topic that video games and movies cause violence. Please proof-read and let me know if there is something that must be changed. Please note that I don't care about GoW3, I just needed a dramatic example of a violent game. Thanks!
-
Also to the staff, I would like to see a debate thread some time.
-
Thanks in advance guys! I know you don't browse TTG for lots of reading but I need this!


---I think video game violence and violence portrayed in movies does not spread to most of its viewers. One simple way this opinion can be easily supported is looking at the amount of people who watch horror movies that depict realistic and graphic deaths. Every year tens of thousands of people watch horror movies however most of them will never commit a violent act and not even 1% will ever kill a person. It is my firm opinion that the only reason these movies are connected to killings is because they are so popular that it is almost inevitable that the suspect will have a connection to the genre. The same goes for video games, every year millions of people play video games. It is easy to say that video games are murder simulators that fuel a persons ideas to kill but at the core video games relax the player regardless of the games content. In a study by Dr. James Rosser it was reported that doctors who play video games at least three hours a week make thirty-seven percent less mistakes and work twenty seven percent faster. This collapses the idea that video games will cause people to be more willing to commit a murder.
-
---Despite my idea that video games don't produce violence, I still believe that a movie or video game can spark a murder by fueling someone who already has wrong intentions or is just not mentally stable enough to play games that portray killing or other violent acts on to play out their imitativeness. I also think there should be a limit to how realistic a video games portrayals of death and gore should be. Games like Gears of War 3 take gore over the top including chainsaws and other close-range weapons that give players the opportunity to see an enemy be killed in a very close detailed way, although most people will stop playing out of bother or ignore it and keep playing, it gives other people who were never clear-minded enough to play violent games a place to wonder, 'Is this really how it looks?' or even say to themselves 'Thats not so bad! I could handle it.' and to me this is where the biggest issue arises. One way that this issue could be solved is through more thorough monitoring of what your child is playing, and taking enough brakes to keep your mind from taking what it sees for granted. Another way this could be solved is by removing video games from investigations of killers unless there is no other link, even if video games are proven as the culprit, don't blame the people who made the game, blame the parents who purchased the game, or the school that never took note of the persons mental health.
#2. Posted:
BoomyNote21
  • Resident Elite
Status: Offline
Joined: Jul 16, 201113Year Member
Posts: 244
Reputation Power: 10
Status: Offline
Joined: Jul 16, 201113Year Member
Posts: 244
Reputation Power: 10
-Pickaxe wrote Hey TTG, this is the best spot I could find to post this but here is the story; I am studying debate in my English class and was asked to write a persuasive essay. I choose the topic that video games and movies cause violence. Please proof-read and let me know if there is something that must be changed. Please note that I don't care about GoW3, I just needed a dramatic example of a violent game. Thanks!
-
Also to the staff, I would like to see a debate thread some time.
-
Thanks in advance guys! I know you don't browse TTG for lots of reading but I need this!


---I think video game violence and violence portrayed in movies does not spread to most of its viewers. One simple way this opinion can be easily supported is looking at the amount of people who watch horror movies that depict realistic and graphic deaths. Every year tens of thousands of people watch horror movies however most of them will never commit a violent act and not even 1% will ever kill a person. It is my firm opinion that the only reason these movies are connected to killings is because they are so popular that it is almost inevitable that the suspect will have a connection to the genre. The same goes for video games, every year millions of people play video games. It is easy to say that video games are murder simulators that fuel a persons ideas to kill but at the core video games relax the player regardless of the games content. In a study by Dr. James Rosser it was reported that doctors who play video games at least three hours a week make thirty-seven percent less mistakes and work twenty seven percent faster. This collapses the idea that video games will cause people to be more willing to commit a murder.
-
---Despite my idea that video games don't produce violence, I still believe that a movie or video game can spark a murder by fueling someone who already has wrong intentions or is just not mentally stable enough to play games that portray killing or other violent acts on to play out their imitativeness. I also think there should be a limit to how realistic a video games portrayals of death and gore should be. Games like Gears of War 3 take gore over the top including chainsaws and other close-range weapons that give players the opportunity to see an enemy be killed in a very close detailed way, although most people will stop playing out of bother or ignore it and keep playing, it gives other people who were never clear-minded enough to play violent games a place to wonder, 'Is this really how it looks?' or even say to themselves 'Thats not so bad! I could handle it.' and to me this is where the biggest issue arises. One way that this issue could be solved is through more thorough monitoring of what your child is playing, and taking enough brakes to keep your mind from taking what it sees for granted. Another way this could be solved is by removing video games from investigations of killers unless there is no other link, even if video games are proven as the culprit, don't blame the people who made the game, blame the parents who purchased the game, or the school that never took note of the persons mental health.


Sounds good, mostly. Very few mistakes, but most can be easily overlooked. Very easily overlooked. Just-'Thats not so bad! I could handle it.' and the other thing in apostrophes or whatever theyre called, should be in quotation marks.

Sorry I don't know the name. I know almost literally everything about grammar, but I always forget the name of that damned thing.
#3. Posted:
-Pickaxe
  • Junior Member
Status: Offline
Joined: Oct 01, 201212Year Member
Posts: 72
Reputation Power: 2
Status: Offline
Joined: Oct 01, 201212Year Member
Posts: 72
Reputation Power: 2
BoomyNote21 wrote
-Pickaxe wrote Hey TTG, this is the best spot I could find to post this but here is the story; I am studying debate in my English class and was asked to write a persuasive essay. I choose the topic that video games and movies cause violence. Please proof-read and let me know if there is something that must be changed. Please note that I don't care about GoW3, I just needed a dramatic example of a violent game. Thanks!
-
Also to the staff, I would like to see a debate thread some time.
-
Thanks in advance guys! I know you don't browse TTG for lots of reading but I need this!


---I think video game violence and violence portrayed in movies does not spread to most of its viewers. One simple way this opinion can be easily supported is looking at the amount of people who watch horror movies that depict realistic and graphic deaths. Every year tens of thousands of people watch horror movies however most of them will never commit a violent act and not even 1% will ever kill a person. It is my firm opinion that the only reason these movies are connected to killings is because they are so popular that it is almost inevitable that the suspect will have a connection to the genre. The same goes for video games, every year millions of people play video games. It is easy to say that video games are murder simulators that fuel a persons ideas to kill but at the core video games relax the player regardless of the games content. In a study by Dr. James Rosser it was reported that doctors who play video games at least three hours a week make thirty-seven percent less mistakes and work twenty seven percent faster. This collapses the idea that video games will cause people to be more willing to commit a murder.
-
---Despite my idea that video games don't produce violence, I still believe that a movie or video game can spark a murder by fueling someone who already has wrong intentions or is just not mentally stable enough to play games that portray killing or other violent acts on to play out their imitativeness. I also think there should be a limit to how realistic a video games portrayals of death and gore should be. Games like Gears of War 3 take gore over the top including chainsaws and other close-range weapons that give players the opportunity to see an enemy be killed in a very close detailed way, although most people will stop playing out of bother or ignore it and keep playing, it gives other people who were never clear-minded enough to play violent games a place to wonder, 'Is this really how it looks?' or even say to themselves 'Thats not so bad! I could handle it.' and to me this is where the biggest issue arises. One way that this issue could be solved is through more thorough monitoring of what your child is playing, and taking enough brakes to keep your mind from taking what it sees for granted. Another way this could be solved is by removing video games from investigations of killers unless there is no other link, even if video games are proven as the culprit, don't blame the people who made the game, blame the parents who purchased the game, or the school that never took note of the persons mental health.


Sounds good, mostly. Very few mistakes, but most can be easily overlooked. Very easily overlooked. Just-'Thats not so bad! I could handle it.' and the other thing in apostrophes or whatever theyre called, should be in quotation marks.

Sorry I don't know the name. I know almost literally everything about grammar, but I always forget the name of that damned thing.

Thanks! I'm glad someone would respond, there are quotes instead of the apostrophes but for some reason the quotes wouldn't show up in the post so I used those instead.

Thanks for the feedback again, I turned it in and got a 50/50 so its all good!
#4. Posted:
BoomyNote21
  • Resident Elite
Status: Offline
Joined: Jul 16, 201113Year Member
Posts: 244
Reputation Power: 10
Status: Offline
Joined: Jul 16, 201113Year Member
Posts: 244
Reputation Power: 10
congrats on 50/50


GeForce sure did look into detail, he he really put in time and effort to try to ensure your essay was as good as it could possibly be. You already finished and got a 50/50, but i'm going to +rep him for helping out a member of the community.
Jump to:
You are viewing our Forum Archives. To view or take place in current topics click here.