Alright I'm going to try to post some jokes that are within the guidelines... And I want them to be funny... So please don't get mad if they are cheesy because the rules restrict most of the funny jokes.

1) coca-cola went to town. Diet Pepsi shot him down. Dr pepper fixed him up. Now we're drinkin' 7-up,7-up got the flu now we're drinkin' Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew fell off the mountain now we're drinking' from the fountain. The fountain died of stroke now we're drinkin' cherry coke. Cherry coke lost its cherry now we're drinkin' Logan berry. Logan berry got in a fight so now we started drinkin' sprite. Sprite got stabbed by a nail now we're drinkin' ginger ale. Ginger ale began to choke now we're back to drinkin' coke.

2) I once baked donuts for a living....but I got tired of the hole thing.

3) this morning my phone hit me and told me it wanted to sleep for 5 more minutes... It was alarming.

4) a shark will only attack you if you are wet.

5) Newton's third law of emotion:for every male action, there is a female overreaction.

6) there are over ten different flavors of ramen noodles, yet they all taste like loneliness.

7) I've been a member of a gym for 3 months now, and I still don't have a six pack.... Maybe I should start going.

8) this old lady at an ATM asked me to check her balance... So I pushed her and she fell.. Yep.. She needs a walker.

9) they call it kidnapping... I call it surprise adoption.

10)I read a book called 50 yards from the outhouse.. Written by Willy Makeit... Published by Betty Won't... Illustrated by Dorris Locked.

11) I blame myself for the death of my boyfriend... And unfortunately the police agree.

12) what do we want!!!! A cure for laziness!!! When do we want it!!! Later!!!

13) two peanuts walk into a bar... One was a salted.

14)Rihanna should date a laker...they can't beat anybody.

15) I started a band called 999 megabytes... Haven't done a gig yet.

16) I've just ordered the personal license plate BAA BAA... Should look cool on my black jeep.

17) I wonder if earth makes fun of other planets for having no life.

18) I hate it when waiters ask "are you done with that?" When the plate is completely clear. I'm like "nah,ill eat the plate too."

19) "no officer I didn't stab him. He ran into my knife."
"23 times?!?!?!?"
"I told you he was crazy"

20) how did Nicki Manaj know what lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas?....lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.

There are 20 jokes... Hope I made you smile at least once.