I do save water.... everytime I shower with ur girl friend.

Kids in the back seat cause accidentes, and Accidents in the back seat cause kids

When you cry, i cry... When you laugh, i laugh... when you smile, i smile... When you're horny, call me

A woman has the last word in any argument, anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

Remember, when some one annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown but it only takes 4 to extend your arm and bitch-slap that mother @#!&! upside the head.

"Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15"

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'

don't follow my footsteps, i run into walls.

Therapy is expensive, bubble wrap is cheap. YOU CHOOSE!

Behind every successful woman, is a man who is surprised

The doctors cute screw the fruit

Huh me innocent? Im about as innocent as a nun doing the
splits in a cucumber feild

'I hate people who steal my ideas before I think of them'

Watch Out For The Idiot Behind Me >;]

I don't skinny dip i chuncky dunk!

Vegetarin:Really bad deer hunter

of course im out of my mind its dark and scary in ther!!!!

User error - Replace user and press any key to continue.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

I DONT CHASE THEM - I REPLACE THEM!

I DO WHAT I MUST, AND MY FRIENDS WILL ADJUST!

I AM HERE FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT!

I AM THE ONE YOUR MOTHER WARNED YOU ABOUT

I'M NOT OVERWEIGHT. GOD JUST LOVED MY BODY SO MUCH HE MADE MORE OF ME!

NORMAL PEOPLE WORRY ME!

WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT!

IF I HAD TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY - I'D SAY GOOD LOOKING.

ADMIT IT. LIFE WOULD BE SO BORING WITHOUT ME!

I TASTE SO DELICIOUS YOU'LL WANT THE RECEIPE!

I'M A GOOD GIRL (WITH A LOT OF BAD HABITS!)

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it!

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows
where all the bad girls live.

I'll procrastinate later.

Answering Machine: "Hi! I'm probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave a message. If I don't call back, it's you."

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Men are like handguns. Keep one around long enough and you're going to want to shoot it.

Constipated people don't give a crap.

Teamwork gives you someone else to blame.

I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

I'd give you the finger but it's in my nose.

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.

I did not hit you ..... I simply high fived your face !

Help your local Search and Rescue ..... GET LOST !

Just say 'NO' to negativity !

Dont hate me, you want to hate someone hate yourself !

Love me, Hate me .... Either way you're thinking of me !

Hey, when I want your opinion ill remove the duct tape !

Smashing on you is 90% of the reason i get up each morning. The other 10% is because i have to pee!

Sweety take your jealously pills and stop hating !

You're a great friend but if the zombies chase us Im tripping you !

What if the hokey pokey is really what it is all about !

Ooopssss I made my page private so your nosey ass can stop reading my comments. Get a new hobby !

You're my favorite subject to talk crap about.

The bigger the hat, the better the cowboy!

Yeah, I have my own place .... Well my own room in my parents basement.

Everyone needs to believe in something ..... I believe ill have another beer!

Dont insult the alligator until after you cross the river.

Everything's funny as long as its happening to someone else.

Forget the rest ..... I roll with the best !

Shut up voices or ill poke you with a q-tip again !

I used to care but now I take a pill for that.

Its not easy being me but it sure is funny watching you try.

You can call me an alcoholic, but I call it a damn good time!

If at first you do succeed - try not to look astonished.

Improve your image - be seen with me!

Move on noobie .. I only looked interested !

Been there .. Rocked that

Grope discounts available!

Dont worry, my guns still warm from the last guy.

We handle more packages then UPS!

Its not whether you win or lose .. Its whether I win or lose!

Im not bossy, I just have better ideas.

Aww Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done!

Heavily medicated for your protection.

Id agree with you but then wed both be wrong.

Come on, give me the finger like you MEAN IT!

Im trying to see things your way, but I cant get my head up my butt.

Disappointed?? Too bad!

To make your prayers come true, you have to get off your knees.

Celebrities walk on the RED CARPET cuz theyre famous . But my friends and I walk on toilet paper cuz were the sh*#!

Youre one load your mom should have swallowed!

Rehab is for quitters!

Breast inspection 20 feet ahead. (Please have them out)

I am not an alcoholic, Im a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.

Jesus is coming, hurry look busy!

Take your ex out tonight. (one bullet otta do it)

Wife and Dog missing. Reward for Dog!

Cant feed them? Dont bread them!

Keep talking, Im reloading!

Gun control means using both hands!

Work harder. Millions on welfare depend on you!

Im not trying to be sarcastic. Its called disrespectful.

Would you like a dictionary?

Sarcasm. Its just one more FREE service we offer!

Me? Sarcastic? Of course not. Im far too ditzy to grasp the subtleties of mockery!