1): I was talking to a girl in the bar last night, and she said "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave, and got your haircut, you'd look all right." I said, "If i did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you"

2): Q: what has 2 legs and bleeds alot? A: Half a cat.

3): How do you get 4 old lady's to say a bad word? have a fifth one yell bingo

already have gold so dont add me but thanks for helping the community

A Genie once asked me if I'd rather have a better memory or a longer peniis..
*so what did you choose?*
I don't remember ;)

2 Flys where sitting on some sh*t and one fly farted the other one said do you mind i'm eating

why did the jelly baby get STD....... because he was sleeping with allsorts

Why was the little boy sad?
Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

What did batman say to robin before they got in the car?
"Get in the car"

Why did the little girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.

is that a gun in your pocket or are you happy too see me? both, now get in the van

Jibbers wrote A doctor tells a guy: "I have bad news. You have Alzheimer's, and you have cancer." Guy says, "Thank God I don't have cancer."

cancers not something to joke about...

"Women's Rights"

Sorry I couldn't resist it

-ScottUK

A boy goes to school and the teacher asks him do you know the alphabet, he says no.Then the teacher tell him to go home and learn it.
So he goes and asks his dad what the first letter of the alphabet is, his dad is a buisness man and they were try to rip him off with a deal so he say **** off.
then he goes and asks his mom what the second letter in the apphabet is his mom is watching dart and so she shout's 180!
then he goes and asks his brother whats the third letter in the alphabet he was playing with his toys and was saying"duna duna duna duna BATMAN!"
then he goes and asks his sister whats the forth letter in the aplhabet see was playing with her toy car and was saying"my little red car on the street peep peep."
so the next day he goes to school and the teacher say
now do you now the aplhabet he say yes miss. She asks him for the first letter and he says"**** off".the teacher say what bad language how many times have you said this hes say 180! the teacher then says who do you think you are the boy says"duna duna duna duna BATMAN! then the teacher says how do you think your gunna get out of this. he says my little red car on the street peep peep!

Joke: Your mum is so fat, when she sat down on a iPod, she made a iPhone 5.

Can I have gold for a certain reason: If you gift me can I be your [Jr] for ttg. ??

I'm more willing to do that....