there once was a wedding were the bride was picking out her dress. there was a little boy with there to, helping here pick it out. she asked witch one should wear. he said ''i dont care which u wear im just gonna imagine u naked anyways''

Got story happened about 2/3 years ago went round my mates house because was his sisters boyfriends birthday so they were having a party so me being the idiot i am start drinking loads but spinning around like a D*** before you know it i was Pooped up and anyone who had to much to drink knows what it like you see a hot girl you start talking random crap to her but shorten story i went upstairs and went to sleep but left my Facebook on the laptop and no lie everyone downstairs messed my account up liking S*** and talking to people pretending to be me but anyway im talking rubbish again so when i woke up few hours later i went downstairs everyone was walking to over side of town like 4am so i go outside there's this wooden fence i didn't see tripped over it and face planted the ground mud all over my face

that's my story have others but bored of typing funny if you seen it but anyway thanks for opportunity and good luck everyone who enters

thanks for helping the community. i always like seeing peoples 1st

Good luck to everyone who enters this

Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didn't feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.

My kids came trampling down the stairs to breakfast, ate their breakfast, and didn't say a word to me. So when I made it out of the house and started for work, I felt pretty dumpy and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Joanne said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!" It felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. I worked in a zombie like fashion until about one o'clock, when Joanne knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your Birthday, why don't we go out for lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Joanne, that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch but not where we'd normally go. Instead she took me to a quiet bistro with a private table. We had a couple of mixed drinks and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Joanne said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't have to go right back to the office, do we?" I replied with "I suppose not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's go to my apartment, it's just around the corner."

After arriving at her apartment, Joanne turned to me and said, "Boss if you don't mind, I'm goinna to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok." I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake...

Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends, and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Naked.

Good luck to everyone. Nice to see you giving back to the community.

Dr-J said my name would look good with a color. and you have to listen to the Dr....

She spent the first day sadly packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down on the floor in the dining room by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp and caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She replaced the end caps on the curtain rods and cleaned up the kitchen. Then she moved out.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything from cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off poison gas, during which they had to move out for a few days. They even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her they were selling the house but did not tell the real reasons why. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea about the smell, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork for her to sign.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods.

I LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS, DON'T YOU?



Great to see you here.
I hope life brings you much success.
I wish you a very happy day.
tada you laugh yet?

So this kid walked into his parents bedroom at night and they were having sex. He asked what they were doing. "We were baking a cake." So the next day the kid tells the mom, did you like making a cake on the couch yesterday? "How did you know?" I licked the icing up.

I respect the fact that you are gifting gold but why does it have to be a giveaway type? Why can't it go to someone who actually deserves it? Just my thoughts. Goodluck to everyone who enters