2nd joke.


A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig"

The man agrees, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

A funny joke?

My life.....

What do you call a snail on a ship?
- A Snailer

Classic joke! if I don't win there's something seriously wrong.

Knock knock
Who's there
Doctor
Doctor who?
Yeah yo got it..

Don't even want gold though, just here for a Wee giggle.

Two Thai girls offered me a threesome they said it'd be like winning the lottery. They wasn't lying, when we stripped off we had 6 matching balls.


Thanks for the giveaway man.

Here's another joke.

A guy goes to a brothel and tells the madam he only wants to spend 5 bucks. The madam thinks for a bit, then says, Betsy. Shes down the hall, last door on the left.

The guy walks down, sees Betsy shes not the best looking, but she would do. He puts it in and its the worst feeling hes ever had on his dick like sandpaper and teeth. He pulls out and tells her. Um. somethings wrong, can you do something about that? Betsy crinkles her face, then says, Why of course! But it will run you another five bucks. She pockets the fiver and goes to the bathroom and is back in no time.

The guy puts it back in and now, its the complete opposite: its the best feeling hes ever had, and finishes in a flash. Panting, he asks her, oh my god that felt amazing what did you do?? Betsy smiles, and says, for the extra five bucks, I pick the scabs.

What's the difference between 3 cocks and a joke ?

Your Mam can't take a joke.

Best one I've seen in a while so I thought I'd repost made me chuckle abut TBH.

Three fathers are talking about their sons. The first father says, "my sons a successful doctor. He's so rich, he just bought his best friend a Lamborghini". The second father said, "my sons a successful hedge fund manager. He's so rich, he just bought his best friend a yacht". The third father says, "my sons the CEO of a big company. He's so rich he just bought his best friend a castle". Right then, a fourth father walks in and asks what they're talking about. The other three fathers say, "we're talking about our successful sons, what does yours do?" The fouth father says, "well my sons a gay stripper." The other three fathers say, "oh wow, you must be really disappointed." The fourth father replies with, "well not really, he's doing really well. His three boyfriends just bought him a Lamborghini, a yacht, and a castle.

"Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

Why did the balloon go near the needle?

He wanted to be a popstar.

Lelelel

A young blonde fears her husband is having an affair. She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband: "Shut up, you're next."

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to Spain and is named Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving it, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband said: "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

Hopefully i have a good chance of winning some gold, These are probably my 2 best jokes.

Thanks for hosting this giveaway!

How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants? Juan by Juan.