Do you ever just sit there, thinking, staring in to space, lying in your bed at night, like I'm doing right now, reminiscing about what life was like a year ago? or even as little as a couple of months ago? Compared to what it is like now? The new additions in your life. The new friends you've met. The old friends getting back in touch. The people who were never there back then, but are now. The people who promised they'd always be there for you, but now... It's like you don't exist to them. The times you would always have something planned. Full of motivation, enthusiasm, excitement, energy! Planning for the future! "Let's do this! And this! And that! And oh let's definitely go there!". Now... You can't find the energy to step out the house. Oh how times change. Remember that person you loved? But never told? How everything was perfect, to suddenly... not. Remember the look on their face when they saw you. Remember the smile you couldn't take off your face everytime you heard their name. So many memories, so many good times. Oh how times change. It's amazing how fast things come and go from your life. Some last a lifetime. Some last only in the moment. Life could be better right now. I wish it could be. To be honest I wish I could rewind a little. It would be nice to have those old friends back. It would be nice to feel wanted again. It would be incredible to see the smile of the person you once loved. To feel alive again. To not feel... Alone anymore. To not feel trapped in your own mind. Overthinking and reminiscing about old times. To not feel the need to write things down because you have no one to turn too. I guess that's what I'm doing. Who am I writing this too though? Myself? Who's gonna read this? Am I just talking to myself? **** I don't even know where this is going anymore. Something is missing from my life right now... I don't know if it's something I used to have and need to find again. Or if it's something I've never had and I need to discover. I'm just... I guess... Lonely. Alone. Stuck in my head maybe... I don't know, whatever. I'm bored I guess. Why do I feel upset? I swear I just felt a lump in my throat and my eyes watered. lol. I think I need help. Do you need help? You... Reading this? ... Me? ... Yeah you. Hmm. Okay now I'm talking to myself for sure. I feel bad too... I lock myself away in my bedroom, I hardly leave it, I go get food and drink I come back I lock the door. I play music, I play games, I completely block out my family and the world. It's my happy place. But I don't think I'm happy. I don't feel wanted. I don't feel loved. I don't... I can't... What's the point? I don't even know anymore...