Right, I want to start by explaining my reasons for taking a gap year. Which was because I got ill in the start of year 13 which caused my attendance to be non existent for the first quarter of the year. This had a knock on effect of making my grades at the end of a-level AAC instead of AAA so I took a gap year to re-do the year 13 modules of the subject I got a C in, such that I can bring the grades up and go to university.

However, I feel like this was a poor choice and I should have settled for a slightly 'worse' uni in order to prevent this happening to me. Which is that I have nothing to do I feel like I'm just fading the days away. All of my "friends" have gone away to university (I put friends like this "" because they have yet to hit me up since going, and I don't want to feel like an inconvenience to them. I've never really been properly integrated with a friendship group (explain more later). Which means I spend every day at home doing nothing, having to do things I used to when I was like 15 to fill time (playing xbox, watching youtube ect). The only thing I do every day which is some what productive is going to the gym, which I go 6 days a week. On top of this my parents make me feel really sad by treating me as if I am still a little kid, always telling me about the safety risks of EVERYTHING. I know they're my parents and that is ultimately their job but still I'm 19 now, can't they tone it down a little bit? An example of this is when I'm about to drive, they'll run outside behind my car trying to 'help me' back out and then get me to wind down the windows telling me to watch for pedestrians and be careful at zebra crossings. (Almost the same thing every time). They also roughly time how long I'm gone for so say if I am an extra 30 minutes they'll be like why was you so long? Why was you gone 2.5hours instead of 2hours (Not so directly but that's basically what they mean). They also do this with my sister, they tell her that she can go out ie: a concert but then talk together about it and say stuff like she can go but we have to go pick her up, even tough her friend is driving there and back! They are so against me going to uni (living there) they basically say to me that I'm not allowed and that I won't be able to live on my own. My parents are partially the reason why I've never been connected properly with friends which is because although they let me go out it was always with terms that other kids don't have. Like if I'm going for a night out they would say stupid things like if I go at 9 be back at 11, when realistically it's going to finish at around 2. I didn't rebel most times but it did make me sad when I actually go as it would be on my mind constantly/get me in an annoyed mood and therefore prevent me from relaxing and having a good time. The main reason for not rebelling is because I felt bad as they are not bad parents in terms of they do provide me with everything I ever wanted growing up in terms of materialistic goods but they just don't understand that they're messing my head up by suffocating me like a baby. I want them just to let me free. They will most likely continue to do this if I decide to stay at home when going to uni. But I'm sick of sitting at home every day and being so disconnected with people, which is in my opinion the only thing that differs us from robots. The feeling we get when connecting with others. It's making me so sad and borderline depressed everyday, I say borderline because although it makes me slightly sad and it's on my mind near 24/7 I'm not suicidal or anything.

I'm typing this here because I don't really have anyone to talk to in real life about these sorts of stuff, I try my best to hide it but I would say it is effecting me in terms of being less charismatic and feeling less like myself and be able to have fun and joke around. I have asian parents so I can't really talk to them about this sort of thing.

What do you guys recommend to help me?