Q: Whats the difference between a Blonde and a Mosquito?
A: The mosquito stops sucking when you slap it!!

Here is my entry:

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

This was taken from another site, I do not claim credit for it.

HOW DO U KEEP A ****** OUT OF YUR BACK YARD

HANG ONE IN THE FRONT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :}

Immigrants are like sperm loads come in and only one works.

you mom so dirty i asked her what am i having for breakfast she pulled down her pants and said blue waffle

What's the difference between a Cadillac Escalade and a golf ball?

not allowed to do giveaways :/

no posting xbl accounts in contest i no because i got reported today for it

Statictacly 9/11 Americans Wont Get This (Cheers Sickipedia)

But hey i was torn between these 2 jokes:

A woman is in a bank and the bank gets robbed, in the process she gets shot 3 times in stomach.
The woman rushes to the doctor and says "doctor, ive been shot 3 times will my babies be ok" and the doctor says "yes they should be fine"
9 Months later the woman gives birth to 2 healthy girls and 1 healthy boy.... 12 years later her daughter came to her mother and said "mum ive just passed a bullet" so her mother tells her the story, 1 week later the other daughter goes and tells her mum she has passed a bullet and her mum tells her the story and another week on her son comes down stairs and says "MUM MUM ive done a terrible thing!, i was having a w**k and i shot the dog"

My other joke is:
Considering Japan is ment to be one of the most techelogically advanced countries in the world, it came as a suprise to me when i found out i was doing my washing up in a dishwasher and i heard that 1000's of japenese were washing up on beaches.

Cheers thanks for competition GOOD LUCK to everyone hope you enjoyed jokes ^^

Little Johnny was the most "potty- mouthed" kid in school, looking for every chance to offer a "new " word for the rest of the kids to take home. So naturally when the teacher started a new vocabulary exercise for the class it went ike this:"OK class" "I'll give you a letter and you give me a word that starts with that etter.""Alright then, the first letter is A" Little Johnny wanted to go first, but had finally gotten it into his head that the teacher wanted everyone to raise their to teacher wanted everyone to raise their to be called on before speaking, so he was in there with his hand flailing around in the air with the rest of the class. there with his hand flailing around in the air with the rest of the class. The teacher looked around the room to pick one of the students and knew she had better not pick Johnny...after all she knew what word she would likely get and t would probably be dirty, so she called on little Mary who sat in front of Johnny."Mary" said the teacher. As Mary stood up ittle Johnny whispered to her "Say asshole, Mary, say asshole." Mary says"Apple" and the teacher says "Thank you, Mary"."The next letter is B" Hands shoot up, teacher scans the class and picks little Billy, who sits on Johnny's left."Say Bastard, Bill, Say Bastard" Billy says"Baseball". Then the letter is C, and little Amy, on"Say ****, Amy, say ****". On and on went the exercise and the teacher was went the exercise and the teacher was running out of choices and would soon HAVE to pick little Johnny. HAVE to pick little Johnny. She had heard him whispering to the class with each letter "Dildo","Epididymis", "****", "Gynecology", and so on. 26 students, 26 letters, she had finally come to end and had to call on Johnny."And the last letter is Z, and Johnny is the only student left who has not given an answer, so Johnny your letter is Z" started with Z in his lexicon of dirty words. Z? Johnny stood up and said "uh, Z-z-z-Zebra?""Very good" said the teacher feeling triumphant that she had gotten an answer that did not create a problem."Yeah", said Johnny " A big ****' Zebra with wide-ass black and white stripes!" Plz pm me if i win ;)[align=left]