1)Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2) Shake the person's hand when he/she enter the lift.

3) Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.

4) Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

5) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!".

6) Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

7) Sell Girl Scout cookies.

8) On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

9) Shave.

10) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

11) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

12) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off

13) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

14) Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

15) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

16) One word: Flatulence!

17) On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

18) Do Tai Chi exercises.

19) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

20) When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!"

21) Give religious tracts to each passenger.

22) Meow occasionally.



23) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

24) Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

25) Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

26) Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

27) Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

28) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

29) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

30) Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"

31) Leave a box between the doors.

32) Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

33) Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

34) Start a sing-along.

35) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

36) Play the harmonica.

37) Say "Ding!" at each floor.

38) Lean against the button panel.

39) Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

40) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

41) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

42) Bring a chair along.

43) Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

44) Blow spit bubbles.

45) Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

46) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

47) Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

48) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

49) Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

50) Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

51) Announce to the person stood next to you "I really need the toilet. Can I use your bag?"

52) Ask the other passengers "Wouldn't be great if this lift were to plumment to the floor, what do you think will happen?"

53) Petend to get your leg stuck in the door as it closes

53) Without letting anyone see, press the emergency stop button. Act surprised and start talking to yourself "its ok, it wasnt your fault you killed your family. It was SATAN, damm you SATAN! DAMN YOU!!!" Then press the stop button again and act as if nothing has happened.

54) Scratch yourself excessively saying "**** headlice. They're all over me. I knew I shouldn't have played with that dog so much"

55) Set out a pinic set on the floor and suggest to the other passengers to join you in afternoon tea

56) Break wind and blame it on the person next to you

57) Pretend your are a repair man here to fix the lift. Wait untill its busy and tell everyone to get out of the lift. You get in, get your paper out and sit and relax

58) Start to talk about your sexlife. Tell them that all of your three children were concived in this very lift. And point and say "it was up against that wall"

59) Have sex with your imaginary friend

60) Say you have just won the lottery and you are on your way to collect your winnings. See how many people are listening to you

61) As the lift descends, shout "Bombs away!"

62) Offer to polish their shoes. When they say no, tell them you need the money to feed your ten starving children back home in Estonia

63) Hand out leaflets - "what to do when the lift cable breaks. The ten tips that will keep your body in one pice (although these tips will not save your life, it will make the rescue a bit cleaner, and we wont have to spend ages cleaning the blood of the walls) Hope you will live to do it again!"

64) Perform a striptease

65) Act surprised when it starts to move and say "THE GROUND IS FALLING!"

66) Fake an orgasam when the lift starts to move. Announce that it was your best ever

67) Let your mobile phone ring - don't anwser it.

68) Walk in to the lift with a clear bottle of apple juice. Start drinking and say "ah, theres nothing like your own urine to quench your first. Does anyone want some?"

69) Say "this new g-sring is really starting to hurt." Then attempt to adjust it.

70) Walk into the lift and say "this reminds me of being burried alive. Ah those were the days"

71) Suggest to the other passengers that you all should play a game of twister. Then get out the board and lie it on the floor

72)Paint the walls of the lift.

73) On entering, ask the passengers "Will you be my fwiend?". Burst into tears if they say no.

74) Stop the lift and say "twenty years in prison for murdering the whole family, and I get stuck in a lift after being out for two hours. Just my luck!"

75) Get back to nature - go in naked

76) Pretend to be the pilot of the lift, speach into a headset "this is lift number 1, ready for decent to 1st floor. Waiting for permission to depart, over"

77) Announce in a computer like voice "this lift will self destruct in 5 4 3 2 .....oh heres my floor"

78) Serve tea and coffee

79) Take shoes off before entering, Look shocked and disgusted when the others dont

80) Act like the sergent of the lift. Order people around. Tell them to get in line.

81) Suggest to the other people that your should play musical statues. Bring a tape recorder along too

82) Teach the people french. Dont let them leave till they get it right

83) As you are coming to the end of the journey, get enmotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.

84) Insist, the lift ride costs 2.50

85) Describe in detail, how you're "hung like a horse"

86) Pretend to be a flight attendant (particularly affective if you are dressed like one), instruct the passengers on what to do in an emergency

87) Yodel

Bring out a magnifying glass, closey inspect the other passengers skin and say "ooh, look at your pores"

89) Sing "I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves" Over and over again.

90) Ask the others "Do you mind if I do my eminem impression?", then bring out a chainsaw and a mask.

91) Try breakdancing

92) Bring out a fake toy gun and shout to the person next to you "you lookin' at me?"

93) Challenge the guy stood next to you to a "thumb war".

94) Explain your ideas of world domination to the wall.

95) Force people to read to Kama Sutra while asking "do you wanna try this one?"

96) Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "it is time..."

97) Pretend to see a spider, repeatedly and violently stamp on the floor while screaming "Die you bastard, die DIIEEE!"

98) While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

99) If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

100) Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.

101) Explain to the passengers that this lift looks the same as the ones on all the other floors.

102) Re-enact scenes from a movie where someone climbs out through the roof.

103) Tell people their clothes are stuck in the lift door, when the look round and see it isn't, apologise, then 5 seconds later say it again in exactly the same tone of voice.

104) Strip naked and ask if 'your' (not my) bum looks big in this dress.

105) Release cockroaches and rats or doves.

106) Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.

107) Point a fire extinguisher at the door as it opens and a passenger tries to enter, ready, aim, and bend the nozzle round and cover yourself with foam.

108) Blast out some heavy metal music (Rammstein or Disturbed oughtta do the trick) sing along, while headbanging.

109) Dress up as a bellboy and ask them what floor they want and press the wrong one. When they try to correct you, spit,"are you trying to say i cant do my job?!'

110) Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.

2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.

3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack.

4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.

5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"

6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles.

7. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsellable.

8. Stomp on unopened tomato ketchup packets at Burger King...

9. ...but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're "astronaut food."

10. Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while reading aloud from "Dianetics."

11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War II.

12. Ask a salesman why a particular television set is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, "You mean you really can't see it?"

13. Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears.

14. Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning.

15. Test mattresses in your pjyamas.

16. Ask the tobaccanist if his hovercraft is full of eels.

17. If you're patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.

18. Sprint up the down escalator.

19. Stare at static on a display tv and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the "hidden picture."

20. Ask appliance personnel if they have any tv's that play only in Spanish.

21. Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda.

22. Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw cuts through bone.

23. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.

24. Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner.

25. Ask for red-tinted lenses at the optometrist.

26. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray *them* with your own bottle of Eau de Swane.

27. Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting that you lost a contact lens.

28. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.

29. In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, "I see London, I see France..."

30. Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps.

31. Play the tuba for change.

32. Ask the Hamond organ dealer if he can play "Like a Virgin."

33. Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.

34. Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy will "give you a really wicked buzz."

35. Ask the personnel at Pier 1 Imports whether they have "any giant crap made out of straw."

36. "Toast" plastic gag hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace display.

37. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.

38. Ask the information desk for a pram(stroller), and someone to push you around in it.

39. Change every TV in the electronics department to a station showing "Saved by the Bell." Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets.

40. Hang out in the waterbed section of the furniture department wearing a Navy uniform. Occasionally run around in circles yelling "scratch one flattop!"



41. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leakproof."

42. "Play" the demo modes of video games at the arcade. Make lots of explosion noises.

43. Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and down.

44. Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke arguments over whether they're real.

45. If it's Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on *your* lap.

46. Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department stores and say "Domino's."

47. Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.

48. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.

49. Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."

50. Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return fifteen minutes later, fish it out of your mouth, and demand to know why it hasn't turned blue yet.

51. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realise it.

52. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.

53. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."

54. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

55. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

56. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the restrooms.

57. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

59. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.

60. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

61. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.

62. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

63. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and mumble, 'It's those voices again'.

64. Go into a fitting room and yell real loud, "Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!"

65. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

66. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

67. "Test" the tooth brushes. Afterwards, place them back on the shelves in their packaging.

68. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. and see if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

69. Ride Escalators up and down.

70. Take objects off counters and place them in unsuspecting shoper's baggages.

71. Place "Kick me " signs on unsuspecting mall cops.

72.Stand by picture booths, when a couple is about to take a picture, immedialey jump in with a good excuse.

73. Unleash a box full of ants in stores.

74. Pretend you are answering to someone very loudly, when people tell you to be quiet yell "Shut up I am talking to the voices".

75. At fast food restaurant areas, show people your scabs, blisters and moles.

76. Well people are about to buy a video game tell them its not so good, the trick is to see how many people you can convince not to buy a game.

Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by waving it and saying, "Quite right, old bean!"

Wear X-Ray Specs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to focus the overhead projector.

Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points.

Sit in the front and color in your textbook.

When the professor calls your name in roll, respond "that's my name, don't wear it out!"

Introduce yourself to the class as the "master of the pan flute".

Give the professor a copy of The Watchtower. Ask him where his soul would go if he died tomorrow.

Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder.

Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. In the middle of lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask whether he was ever in an episode of Starsky and Hutch.

Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.

Become entranced with your first physics lecture, and declare your intention to pursue a career in measurements and units.

Sing your questions.

When the professor calls roll, after each name scream "THAT'S MEEEEE! Oh, no, sorry."

Insist in a Southern drawl that your name really is Wuchen Li. If you actually are Chinese, insist that your name is Vladimir Fernandez O'Reilly.

Speak only in rhymes and hum the Underdog theme.

Page through the textbook scratching each picture and sniffing it.

Wear your pajamas. Pretend not to notice that you've done so.

Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY".

Inform the class that you are Belgian royalty, and have a friend bang cymbals together whenever your name is spoken.

Stare continually at the professor's crotch. Occassionally lick your lips.

Address the professor as "your excellency".

Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he's been drinking.

Shout "WOW!" after every sentence of the lecture.

Bring a mirror and spend the lecture writing Bible verses on your face.

Ask whether you have to come to class.

Present the professor with a large fruit basket.

Bring a "seeing eye rooster" to class.

Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?" Become aggitated when the professor can't understand you.



Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers.

Watch the professor through binoculars.

Start a "Mexican wave" in a large lecture hall.

Ask to introduce your "invisible friend" in the empty seat beside you, and ask for one extra copy of each handout.

When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"

Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even if it's Smith. Claim that the 'i' is silent.

Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis and snickering.

As soon as the first bell rings, volunteer to put a problem on the board. Ignore the professor's reply and proceed to do so anyway.

Claim that you wrote the class text book.

Claim to be the teaching assistant. If the real one objects, jump up and scream "IMPOSTOR!"

Spend the lecture blowing kisses to other students.

Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Signup Sheet" at the top, and start passing it around the room.

Stand to ask questions. Bow deeply before taking your seat after the professor answers.

Wear a cape with a big S on it. Inform classmates that the S stands for "stud".

Interrupt every few minutes to ask the professor, "Can you spell that?"

Disassemble your pen. "Accidentally" propel pieces across the room while playing with the spring. Go on furtive expeditions to retrieve the pieces. Repeat.

Wink at the professor every few minutes.

In the middle of lecture, ask your professor whether he believes in ghosts.

Laugh heartily at everything the professor says. Snort when you laugh.

Wear a black hooded cloak to class and ring a bell.

Ask your math professor to pull the roll chart above the blackboard of ancient Greek trade routes down farther because you can't see Macedonia.

Rach emailed me her funny story; "At the start of this year (year 9) we are starting a topic on polygons and the first thing my teacher asked is 'What is a polygon?' My answer was 'A dead parrot'. "

Ask for a hamburger, Cry dramatically saying "Did they really have to kill the cow" in a sobbing voice.

Out side of the building, protest that they don't add enough salt on the drinks.

Unleash cockroaches secretly.

Sing a song out loud.

Try to rob the store in a poor manner(where a mask that does not allow you to see, ask people that are not at the counter for money, or at least a trashcan).

Pay for your meal entirely in pennies.

Take your car through the drive-thru in reverse.

Inquire what's in the Secret sauce.

Refuse to give them money until they win at Paper/Rock/Scissors.

Prevent all people from eating until you say a prayer (try and find the longest one).

Threaten to move to Antarctica to strangers who don't treat you nicely.

Ask for a burger that looks more like the pictures.


McDonalds new addition to their menu.....

Go to the play place and tell kids strangers have the best candy sand that parents lie cause they don't want you to have it.

Stand by the garbage and prevent people from throwing it out until they pay the fee.

Order a burger, hold the lettuce, tomatoes, meat, buns, ...

Ask the waiter "Would you like fries with that" when they hand you your meal.

When at a drive-thru, order your meal in sign language.

Dress as Ronald McDonald and advice customers not to eat here.

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

3. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the teacher's left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

8. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

9. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

10. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

11. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

12. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

13. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

14. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

15. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

16. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

17. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it!

18. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.

19. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

1. Totally Ignore the first five people who say "Good Morning" to you.

2. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye".

3. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

4. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "mmmmmm, that feels soooo good!"

5. Leave your fly's open for one hour. If anyone points it out say, "Sorry I really prefer it this way, it lets the smell out".

6. In the middle of a meeting, suddenly shout out YAHTZEE".

7. Walk sideways to the photocopier, crab style.

8. Say to your manager, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.

9. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, cause I don't want to repeat it".

10. Press the "no cup option" on the coffee machine, kneel down and drink directly from the nozzle.



11. At the end of a meeting, suggest that for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the National Anthem (extra respect if you actually launch into it yourself).

12.Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch off & on 10 times.

13. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak with as "Barbara"

14. After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in, "the report's on your desk, Mon". Keep this up for 1 hour.

15.In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up dammit, all of you just shut up".

16. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God as my witness, I will never go hungry again".

17.In a colleague's diary, write in 10:00 am; "see how I look in tights".

18.Carry your keyboard over to your colleague, and ask, "do you want to trade?"

19.Come to work in army camoflauge and when asked why, say,"I can't talk about it".

20. Hang a 2 foot long piece of toilet paper from the back of your trousers, and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

21. Disappear into the toilets and emerge with your trousers over your head, then commence a 2 minute sprint around the office whilst holding your hands out to your side and making aeroplane noises. Return back to the toilets, get dressed again and return quietly to your seat as if nothing had happened.

1. When you are choosing a seat, point at someone and say loudly in a childish voice, "I don't want to sit to that guy, he smells funny!"

2. Everytime there is a gun shot, scream, "Hit the floooor!", jump to the floor and cover your head.

3. Quote all dialogue five seconds after it's said on screen.

4. Ask the person at the ticket counter "Do you come here often?"

5. Start an standing ovation at the end of the movie.

6. Become a bookie. Take bets on which character (or audience member) will die first.

7. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing"

8. Clap and cheer when the good guys gets killed.

9. During the previews, yell out "Can you fast foward it please?"

10. Try to start a Mexician wave

11. Argue that no-one can sit next to you because the seats alreadly taken by your invisible friend.

12. Stand up during the picture and announce to the others the movies twist.

13. Shout "look behind you!" at the actors.

14. Wear 3D glasses. Complain about how bad the effects are.

15. Everytime someone curses, cover your ears and shout "oh the **** profanity!"

16. Hum the theme music.

17. Bring a flashlight. During the film, perform a shadow puppet show on the ceiling.

18. Go "Ooooooooooh...." whenever someone kisses.

19. Wear a huge fake afro wig, blocking the person behind you's view.

20. Shout out "Help, I'm a beautiful butterfly"

21. Clap loudly everytime a person walks into the theater late.

22. Enquire what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.

1. Rev the engine very high, turn to the examiner and say with an evil stare, "Buckle up"

2. Turn the radio on. When the examiner goes to turn it down or off, slap their hand

3. After the instructor gets in the car, pop the hood, get out and check the oil

4. Fill your car with beer



5. In the middle of driving, hug the examiner

6. Swear and yell at everybody on the road (include parked cars)

7. When you stop at a light, start revving the engine while looking back and fourth between the person next to you at the lights, lean forward, grind your teeth and make animal noises

8. When parking, stop a few feet from distance and get out and push, saying frantically to the instructor "grab the wheel, the cars out of control!"

9. Keep doing the same thing over and over again, like yelling at the person in the rear view mirror to get out of the way, and then say "oh, it's me." Keep doing it

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbour," May I borrow a highlighter?"

2.Say in disgust "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise

4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that colour before."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit!! My glass eye!!"

6. Say "Damn, this water is cold."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."



10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the Stall walls of your neighbours while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"

11. Say," Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbour. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please eh?

13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!

14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"

15. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

17. Before you unroll toilet paper, consciously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbour and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"

1. Re-enact the D-Day landings.

2. Build a sandcastle and stand guard next to it, every hour, do the 'changing of the guard' throwing in the occasional "HALT, WHO GOES, THERE?!?!?"

3. Go in to the sea with a lilo and about half an hour later, climb out looking disorientated and say loudly in an Australian accent " CRIKEY COBBER'S, I WAS AT BONZAI BEACH AN HOUR AGO!! MUSTA FALLEN ASLEEP ON ME LILO!!"

4. (An old, but still funny one!) Whilst in the sea, start thrashing about and scream "SHARKS!!!" . Ten minutes later, do it again.

5. (Affective if you're a man). Wear a tight, red swimming costume and run in slow motion in the style of Baywatch, whilst running, flick your hair in an appealing manner.

6. Wear a Penguin costume, climb out the sea puffing and panting, look around and say loudly " OH CRAP! TOOK A WRONG TURNING SOMEWHERE!" go back in to the sea and start swimming away.

7. Bury a hose with water spraying upwards, Tell everyone you dug down to deep and now the beach is sinking.

8. Stagger up the beach in old ripped clothes clutching a matchstick and tell everyone that this is all that is left of your ship.

9. Follow the tide when it leaves and find out where it goes.

10. Practice your ostrich impressions.

11. With some friends, sit in a dinghy wearing German army uniforms, paddle along the shore line and announce" VE TOOK ZE WRONG TURNING, I OPE ZAT VE ARE NOT TOO LATE".

12. with a friend, sing Summer Lovin' in pure Grease style.

13. Dig a hole in the sand and hide in it, when the beach is full, climb out and wearing a prisoners uniform and say "OH, THIS IS'NT MEXICO!!", look back down the hole and say" GO BACK LADS, WE SHOULD HAVE GONE LEFT INSTEAD OF RIGHT!"

14. Have a pebble fight.

15. As the coastguard goes by with his siren on, run along after it happily shouting "ICECREAM MAN! ICECREAM MAN!"

16. Pretend to be a crab, go ahead and nip people.

17. Wear a pirates costume, get someone to dig a hole and say "ARGH ME MATEY'S, WE SHALL BURY THE TREASURE HERE!" and proceed to bury some chocolate coins.

18. Whilst using a pair of binoculars, suddenly shout" IVE FOUND IT!!, ATLANTIS HAS ARISEN!! ISNT IT BEAU......NO HOLD ON, SORRY MY MISTAKE, IT'S THE ISLE OF WHITE, SORRY!"

19. Go around and tell everyone that you have to 'Pay and Display' to use the beach, insist you are the ticket person. Charge a ridiculous amount.

20. Beforehand, place a piece of bloodied meat on the edge of the sea, later go around and ask if anyone has seen your doggie. Say he was playing in the water when you heard someone say SHARKS and you haven't seen him since.

21. Eat sand.

1. Shout "GOAAAL!!" when a player gets a point.

2. Blow your nose at crucial moments.

3. Bring along a comically large mobile phone and do your best Dom Jolly impression.

4. As a player is about to serve shout "TAKE AIM.......FIRE!!"

5. Start a Mexican wave.

6. Occasionally scream.........loudly.

7. Streak.

8. Take Flash photography, if a player complains, say "ooooh, someones a little grumpy just because they're Loosing!"

9. Announce to the crowd your intentions to get an ice cream at the end of the next game, ask if anyone wants one.

10. If a player misses the ball, start Laughing manically and shout "MY GRAN CAN PLAY BETTER THAN YOU!!".

11. During a rally, keep shouting to the players what to do, example: "GO LEFT, NOW RIGHT, RUN..RUUUUUN. LEFT, HIT IT HARDER!!!"

12. Loudly Cheer and Root for a player who is not in this match.

13. When a linesman makes a call, stand up and loudly say "HE'S ABSOLUTLY RIGHT YOU KNOW, THAT WAS A SPOT ON CALL" smile at him as you say "NICE ONE!"

14. Sing "TENNIS IS COMING HOME, ITS COMING HOME, ITS COMING HOME,ITS COOOOOOMING, TENNIS IS COMING HOME..........." continue....

15. When a ball is clearly 'in' scream "OUT!!!!" and vice verser.

16. (In a male game) At Match point, shout to one of the players " YOU WERE RIGHT, THE BABY IS'NT YOURS"

17. As the players rest after a game, call to one of them "WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE CAREFUL LAST NIGHT BECAUSE I'VE GOT IT AS WELL NOW!"

18. Throw a pair of knickers at one of the players and shout "YOU LEFT THESE IN MY CAR THE OTHER DAY"

19. Wave a football rattle and keep shouting " WHOOOOOOOO TENNIS!!!"

1. Take and read from a phrase book of the wrong language.

2. When checking in to your hotel, claim your name is Sir Admiral Lord Vertragdensf of Russia and that you are booked in to the penthouse suite. Get annoyed and shout in Russian if they say you're not on the register.

3. When your on the beach, say in a loud voice "OH, THIS IS THE BEACH I READ ABOUT IN THE PAPER, THE SEA IS ABSOLUTLY FULL OF SHARKS, 10 PEOPLE WERE KILLED AND EATEN LAST MONTH ALONE!!"

4. When you're on a boat trip, gently start to weep as you sing Rule Britannia. Salute and stand to attention as you do so.

5. Later, go up to the front of the boat and give your best performance of Titanic (helps if you have a friend with you for this one).

6. In America - Claim to be from the past and tell everyone that George Washington used to be Georgina Washington, "I Mean, Look at the hair!!"

7. In France - Ask why there appears to be no war memorials.

8. After checking out of the hotel, leave it for about five minutes, then go back in and check in again, acting like you have just arrived for your holiday......repeat.

9. In Italy - Ask why they appear to have NEVER won the Eurovision Song Contest.

10. In Canada -Sing *Blame Canada* at the top of your voice.

11. In Australia - Try to find an intellect.......You wont.

12. When asked what you would like to eat in a restaurant, ask if they have jellied eels, "no, sorry sir"- ask if they have pie and mash, "no, Sorry Sir" -ask if they have fish and chips, "No, sorry sir"- start to sulk and say "FINE THEN,I'LL HAVE A BANNANA, YOU HEARD OF THEM?!?!?!?!

13. Bet someone you can swim home.

14. Proclaim yourself in front of people to be the Appointed Ambassador and Representative Of The United Kingdom Of Great Britain and Northern Ireland under order of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth The Second, but tell them they can call you John.

15. Ask people whose side they would be on in the event of war. Write down their answer and say "we shall remember........"

16. If in Russia, Walk down the street and ask, "So, ya still doing the whole 'commie' thing?"

17. Run screaming through your hotel, shouting to people that you have just found a stash of weapons under your bed. See what happens.

18. Announce to reception that your 'neighbour' has not left his room for five days and there is a really bad smell around the area.

1. At the airport, wear a uniform and claim you are the pilot, get annoyed if they don't believe you but DONT give up, see how far you can get ( WARNING, may result in you being arrested)

2. Whilst boarding the plane, say in a loud voice "THAT WING SURE DOES LOOK RUSTY!!"

3. When everyone is seated, do your own demonstration of what to do in an emergency, let this include 'comical' situations such as "in the (likely) event of the plane setting alight and becoming a plummeting fireball of death, please remember to tighten your seatbelt" look surprised when you are the only one laughing.

4. when the plane is still on the ground, Rock back and forth in your seat and say aloud "THIS TURBULANCE SURE IS ROUGH!!"

5. Wear rags and a headscarf, claim that your name is Svetolafoson Frojhkyhkjuhjdj and that you are being deported back to Estonia, look pleased when your told that this plane is not going there. say "Really?!, u haf not met me if zey ask zen, ok?!"

6. As the plane is landing, adopt the 'Duck and Cover' position as you scream "WE ARE GOING TO CRASH! ONLY DEATH AWAITS US ALL NOW! DEATH I TELLS YA!!!!" when you land safely, stand up and leave the plane normally, thank the stewardess for a lovely flight.



7. Go in to the toilet and make loud vomiting noises, keep going for a few minutes, then come out and announce to the plane that the toilet is blocked, act like its not your fault.

8. Stand up and ask the passengers if anyone " wants to join the mile high club with you?" wink suggestively at various people...of both sexes.

9. Get the pilot to show you round the cockpit, come out afterwards and say "YOU WOULDN'T HAVE THOUGH HE COULD FLY THE PLANE AFTER SO MUCH VODKA BUT IT JUST SHOWS, THEY REALLY ARE TRUE PROFESIONALS!".

10. Delight your fellow passengers with your impression of a plane crashing in to the sea, complete with sound effects.

11. Enthrall your companions on the plane by telling them that you knew the pilot of Buddy Holly's plane and you're pretty sure he trained at the same place as your current pilot.

12. Give a fact filled guide of the area you are flying over, this can include " And if you look to your right you will see the wreckage of our sister plane, after she was shot at and subsequently crashed in to that mountain side which, as you can see, her burnt out hull remains embedded in, the bodies were never found.'

13. Streak.

14. Occasionally scream........loudly.

15. Get up and announce that you are going to hi-jack the plane, make to get out a gun, but act like its not there, check all your pockets and then say " OH CRAP, I MUST HAVE LEFT IT IN THE OTHER COAT, OK, NEVER MIND!" Sit down like nothing has happened.

16. From the second you take off, every ten seconds say in the same voice "are we there yet?"

17. Keep sniffing around and eventually say in a loud voice "CAN YOU SMELL BURNING?"

18. Go to the cockpit, wait a few second, then come back and say in a loud voice, "UMM SHOULD'NT THERE BE...LIKE....A PILOT?"

19. When your on a small, ten person plane, Inform everyone that you used to be an aerodynamic engineer and this plane is VERY badly built.

20. As you get of the plane, look worried and announce loudly" VAIT A MINUTE, VOT IZ ZIS PLACE?! ZIS IZ NOT POLAND, VERE ZE HELL IZ ZIS?!?!?!?"

21. If you're flying first class, make sure to sit behind someone. When that person is sleeping, grap your motion sickness bag and vomit in it. After you do that, hold the bag in the air and then pop it on the person. See what happens......

1. Bring a blowhorn. Use it when you ask or answer a question.

2. Heckle the professor.

3. Hire a video crew to come to the class. If asked about it, say that you have to tape the lecture for a friend.

4. Bring a water gun. Shoot the professor when his back is turned.

5. Get the other students in your row to do the wave.

6. Bring a small chalkboard to class. Ask the professor if you can borrow his chalk to take notes.

7. Contradict everything the professor says. Offer irrefutable scientific proof.

8. If it's a math lecture, claim that the professor misspelled pi.

9. When the professor asks a question, raise your hand. If the professor calls on you, point to someone in the next row and say "He knows." Pick a different person each time.

10. Buy a doll. When you go to class, leave the doll in your chair, along with your notebook and pen. Say that you have an important meeting to go to, and that the doll will be taking notes for you.

11. Bring a typewriter. Use it to take notes.

12. Write a love note. Sign it "a secret admirer". Get someone to pass it to the professor.

13. Get up to go to the bathroom five or six times during the class. Change clothes every time.

14. While taking notes, write vulgar words every few lines. If anyone asks, say you have Tourette's syndrome.

15. Buy a watermelon. Give it to the professor. If he/she asks, say "They were out of apples."

16. Bring a small tape player. Play a tape of the previous lecture. Take notes on both.

17. If it's an English class, ask how the theory of relativity relates to Shakespeare's "Midsummer Night's Dream".

18. Pretend to be asleep until five minutes before the end of class. Then wake up and explain that you missed the lecture, and ask the professor to summarize what he/she talked about.

19. Bring a can of spray paint. Use it to take notes on the classroom wall.

20. Bring a fully-stocked picnic basket to class. Explain that you didn't have time to eat breakfast.

21. Wear a loincloth to class. If anyone asks, say that it is your costume for the school play, and you didn't have time to change out of it.

22. Tear out pages of the textbook and make little origami animals out of them. Have a whole menagerie by the end of class. Give them to the professor as a token of your esteem.

23. Bring a fishing rod. Try to catch things on the professor's desk.

24. Bring a tape player and a tape of a thunderstorm. Keep it hidden. Sometime during the lecture, start the tape, stand up, claim that the professor has angered the gods and leave. Watch to see how many students follow you after the tape starts playing.

25. Make reserved seating cards and place them on the desks before class.

26. Tell the professor you are on a new experimental cold medication that may have strange side effects. Every ten minutes or so, run around the room screaming. Afterward, claim that you have no memory of what just happened.

27. Claim that you are the new student teacher, and that you are to give the lecture for that class. If the professor agrees, lecture on a subject completely opposite the to subject of the class. If the professor objects, say that the students should have a wide range of knowledge.

28. Switch the professor's lecture notes with your history notes from last term.

29. Raise your hand and ask when the movie is going to start.

30. Bring a flash camera. Take pictures every few minutes, using a very bright flash. If anyone complains, say that you didn't see any sign saying you couldn't bring cameras.

31. Bring a light bulb. Hold it over your head whenever you have the answer to a question.

32. Bring an easel and a paint set. Paint a portrait of the professor during the lecture. Say that it is a homework assignment for art class.

33. Sneeze very loudly. Then, have the person next to you sneeze, then the person next to him, and so on. See how long it takes before the professor sneezes.

34. When the professor comes in, say, very loudly, "Hey! A substitute! All right!" Claim that the real professor said you could have lecture outside.

35. Come to class wearing the same outfit as the professor. Call the professor a copycat.

36. If it's a geology lecture, switch the quartz crystals with New Folger's Crystals and see if the professor notices. Have a hidden camera.

37. Hide a ticking clock under the podium. Call in a bomb threat.

38. Write your assignment on Plato on your little sister's modelling clay.

39. Ask questions in a foreign language you know the professor doesn't know. Act angry when he/she doesn't understand you.

40. Come to class dressed as a professional wrestler. Tell people you joined the wrestling team. Bodyslam anyone who doesn't believe you.

41. When the professor comes in, suddenly scream, "NOOOOOO! Not him! Not professor Johnson!! They let him teach again! Noooooooooo!" then run out of them room. See how many people follow you.

42. Turn your row into a mosh pit.

43. Before class starts, turn all the desks upside down. Sit on them like you would normally.

44. One word: Gladiators.

45. Make requests like people do at rock concerts. ("Relativity! Relativity! Einstein rocks!")

46. Bring popcorn. Throw it and the professor. Complain that these trained animal shows aren't what they used to be.

47. Bring a tape player and a tape of the school bell. Play it every 15 minutes.

48. When the professor calls on you, mumble incomprehensibly. Answer every question in this fashion. See how long it takes before the professor stops calling on you.

49. When you take a test, hire a security guard to stand by your desk and make sure no one cheats off your paper.

50. Make up a strange religious cult and distribute flyers for it during class.

1) I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2) Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3) Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4) Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5) Are You Andy or Barney?

6) I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer

7) You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8) I pay your salary!

9) Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10) Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11) I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12) When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

13) What? You need a license to drive?

14) Wow, no wonder your wife sleeps around, with your breath!

15) Is your power a penis substitute?

16) Yes, I know my driving is not 100%, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk

17) Can you come back in 5 minutes? I'm in the middle of a telephone conversation.

18) Oops...I thought you were a prostitute.

19) Do I have any fruits or vegetables? I don't know. Is cocaine a fruit or vegetable?

20) A hundred dollar fine? Well, I think George Washington can change your mind

21) Did you pull me over because of the drugs under the seat, the body in the trunk, or the burned out tail-light?



22) Whoops, that's the fake one... here ya go, this is the one.

23) Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence

24) Is it true that guys become cops because they can't work at McDonald's ?

25) Thanks Officer, that last cop only gave me a warning, too

26) My gun fell off my lap and got lodged on the gas pedal

27) Hey, is that a 9mm ? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!

28) Do you have any idea how much of a hurry I'm in?

29) You're lucky this car needs a tune-up or you'd have never caught me

30) In California we drive like that all the time, what's the problem?

31) If you'd try the stuff I just had, you wouldn't be so damn uptight

32) Aren't there real crooks somewhere you should be catching?

33) Well, those two other guys didn't stop for that school bus either

34) Yes, I saw your lights on, but I thought you going to get a doughnut

35) Just had to try out that new siren, didn't you?

36) Do you have any idea who you're talking to?

37) There's no way I was going 85. I had the cruise set at 80.

38) What's wrong, Ossifer? I swear to drunk I'm not God! And really, there is no blood in my alchohol

39) That uniform makes your ass look really big.

40) You don't happen to have any beer in your car?

41) I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

42) So what if I was speeding? Whatcha gonna do about it Mr. Hotshot?

43) I'm not as think as you stoned I am.

44) Officer: "Do you know how fast you were going"
Driver "No I'm too stoned to remember"

45) Its tobacco, honest

46) Hey, i bet i can grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket!

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.

"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that....uh....that uh....thingie.

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

Darn, there go the lights again...

Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em.

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off..

What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here..

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.


Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.

Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?

Anyone see where I left that scalpel?

And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape. OK, now take a picture from this angle.

This is truly a freak of nature.

This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

What do you mean "You want a divorce"!

She's gonna blow! Everybody take cover!!!

FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!!

Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

1. Follow them around the house everywhere...

2. Moo when they say your name...

3. Run into walls...

4. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion...

5. Stand over them at four in the morning with a huge grin on your face and say, good morning sunshine...

6. Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA"...

7. Wear a sticker that says, "I'm a retard"...

8. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to all the time...

9. In public yell, "No Mom/Dad, I will not make out with you!!"...

10. Do what they actually tell you...

11. Jump off the roof, trying to fly...

12. Hold their hand and whisper to them, I see dead people...

13. At everything they say yell, Liar...

14. Try to swim in the floor...

15. Tap on their door all night...

16.Pretend to have amnesia...

17.Say everything backwards...

18.Give yourself a swirly...

19.Run around with a lamp shade on your head yelling, "the sun!!! it's dying!!!"...

20.Sing at the top of your lungs while running around the house...in your underwear...

21.Have nervous spasms at spontaneous times...

22.Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder...

23.Run in circles...

24.Recite a whole movie 3 times...

25.Pretend to beat yourself up...

26.Chase/bark at the mail man...

27.Wear your pants on your head and your shirt on your waist... tell them you're making a fashion statement...

28.Try and drink out of a glass the wrong way...

29.Super glue your finger up your nose...

30.Talk to a pen...

31.Lay face down and chant like an Indian tribe...

32.Try and climb the wall...

33.Roll on the floor laughing hysterically in supermarkets...

34.Take your ice cream cone and put it one your forehead... say you're a lovely unicorn...

35. Turn the tv on to a station you don't get, watch the static and say you're looking for the pattern...

36.Switch the light button on and off for a while. then say, "ooooh... I get it!!!"...

37.Eat your hair...

38.Whatever they are eating, tell them it looks like a certain animal...

39.Eat anything obviously not edible...

40.Say your pet is mocking you and chase it around the house...

41.When you shower or bathe yell, "I'm drowning!!!"...

42.Try to snorkel in your fish tank...

1. Have a tea party with your pets

2. Stop people as they enter a drive-thru. Ask them to give you a lift though the drive-thru because you dont want to queue inside.

3. Make up a word, use it casually in conversation and see if anyone ask what it means

4. Buy a complete set of Transformers. Play with them loudly. If people comment, tell them with a straight face "they're more then meets the eye".

5. Put your toddlers clothes on backwards and send him or her to school as if nothing is wrong.

6. Pay off your MasterCard with your Visa

7. Burn all your waste paper while eyeing your roommate suspiciously.

8. Read the dictionary backwards and look for any hidden messages.

9. Stare at people though the tines of a fork and pretened they're in jail.

10. Write a short story using alphabet soup.

11. Make a list of things you have already done.

12. When your roommate is sleeping, place his or her hand in a warm bucket of water... Try it

13. Write checks with Roman numerals.

14. Write "out to lunch" on your forehead.

15. Explain the reasons why World War 2 started to your cat.

16. When queuing shout "giddy up" and whip the person in front of you.

17. Start the conversation "I wonder what would happen if our knees bent the other way..."

18. Pop some popcorn without putting on the lid.


Paint eggs

19. Bill your doctor for the time you spent in the waiting room.

20. When someone says "Have a nice day", tell them you have "other plans".

21. See how many clothes pegs you can clip onto your face.

22. Re-inact the sinking of the Titanic in your bath tub

23. Dress your cat in dolls clothing

24. Have a bath in baked beans

25. Make a website and fill it with useless crap (like me)

26. Watch a movie backwards

27. Hang your photo frames upside down

28. Draw a bikini on the page 3 girl.

29. Wear a mask and walk into a bank.

30. Eat soup with chop-sticks

31. Polish your car with earwax.

32. Pay your bills in pennies.

33. Make up your own star constellations. For example- The Farting Cat or The Laughing Donkey

34. Drink four pints of water and hold yourself for at least an hour

35. Imitate the sounds your modem makes when you dial up to the internet

36. Smash glasses and glue them back together.

37. Visit a neighbours house and change all of their clocks and alarms.

38. Break a world record.

39. Write your Christmas list in March and send it to "Sexy Santa" in the north pole.

40. Develop an imaginary friend and introduce him to your real friends as "The One Eye Snake".

41. Start a silly chain letter.

42. Dress up as the opposite sex.

43. Give some money to charity.

44. Try to not think about Armadillos

45. Watch a movie and repeat everything said in an East European accent.

45. While in a friends house, cover their toilet in see-through cling-flim.

46. Scare random people in the street with the Scream Mask.

47. Write down 10 reasons why you've bored.

48. Water your pet...see if he grows.

49. Learn to type...with your toes

50. Tell your feet a joke

51. Divise and practice your own stripshow.

52. Build a small dolls house with ice cubes then play with it.

53. Make a sculpture from mash Potato

54. Super glue your fingers together.

55. Fake a UFO picture. Claim they are called "The Larries" and they are in fact jolly nice chaps.

56. Hack to a emeny's (or friends) email or Instant Messenger acoount. Ask their online-buddies to cyber with you.

57. If you're male- try to find a females G-spot (WARNING- may take a long time). If you're female- hit a man in his 'sensitive' area (very fun).

58. Paint Zebra or tiger stripes on your body and free the animals at the zoo.

59. Have an immaginary party for your immaginary friends.

60. Copy all of your school note onto microsoft word, highlight it, go to fonts, and click on symbols. See if you can remember what you wrote..... (have fun!)

61. Put your little sister's barbie in the microwave and watch them melt and pretend that it's the witch from the wizard of oz!

62. Look at the maternity clothes in a catolog, sit by your mum and look at her ever once in a while and smile.

63. Count all the flowers on your wallpaper (unplug the phone)

64. Called people by the name of 'retarded .....*enter inanimate object/animal here*....' muffin and monkey work well.

65. On Instant messengers, copy peoples' screen name, font, font colour etc and tell them they've stolen your name! ... its a killer! (By Gaby, she says it kept her amused for weeks!)

1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3) Insist that your e mail address is: Xena-Warrior-Princess @ companyname.com

4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronised chair dancing.

6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."

7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

9) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'

10) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

11) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

13) Dont use any punctuation

14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

15) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

16) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

17) Sing along at the opera.

18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)

20) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3."

21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend the potluck party because you're not in the mood.

23) Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.

24) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

25) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!""3rd time this week!!!"

26) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

27) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do."

28) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

29) Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here!"

30) UsE RAnDoM cAPiTaliZaTiON iN EvEryTHiNg YOu wrITe

31) Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.

32) Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

33) "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.

34) Slap the boss's face every time he interrupts your afternoon nap.

35) Pee up your office door, your desk or your cubicle and growl at anyone that comes near.

36) Follow delivery men around in pure James Bond style, but make it very obvious.

37) Persistantly call your bosses 'sweetcheeks' and wink at them in front of everyone.

38) Whenever you answer the phone, do so in a french accent, and slowly change it to a japanese accent.

39) Belch loudly over the intercom, then ask if anyone wants to hear a fart.

40) When the boss starts talking to you, open and drink a bottle of ketchup.

41) Put those hole reinforcing circles on the center of you eyeglasses. Now go to that executive meeting.

42) Turn your monitor facing the wall, if anyone asks what you're doing, say that this is the most interesting side of the monitor

43) Have races in the corridors with chairs that don't have wheels on them

44) Hold open automatic doors for people.

45) Threaten to jump out of a ground floor window.

46) Bring empty crisps and buscuit packets and sandwich bag to work in your packed lunch box and pretend to eat it. Make sure the wrappers are different each day, you need variety in life.

47) Replace the mouse with a real mouse.

48) Delibrately get colleagues names wrong.

49) Ask at a newsagent if they will read the paper to you or at least give you the general jist of it.

50) Eat stink bombs before french kissing.

51) Drive to work and walk back.

52) Ask to borrow a pencil, snap it infront of their face, then point at the car park and ask which one is theirs.

53) Wear socks on the outside of your shoes.

54) End all sentences with ".co.uk".

55) Play bagpipes in meetings.

56) Go to an interview, act like your the interviewer.

57) Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

58) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!".

59) While riding an lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

60) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say,"Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

61) Poke holes in the bottoms of all the styraphome coffee cups in the break room.

Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public places consisting entirely of "beep, beep beep-beep-beep

Glue Lego pieces together

Leave the photocopier set to reduce 200%, extra dark, a3 paper, 99 copies

Sniffle incessantly

Forget the pun line to a long joke, but assure them it was a real hoot

Do not add any inflection to the end of a sentence, and make the impression you will say something more at any moment



Holler random number when anybody is counting

Staple papers in the middle of the page

Produce a rental video consisting entirely of copy right warnings

Write the surprise ending on the first page of the library book

Honk and wave at strangers

ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE

only type in lowercase dont use punctuation

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times
"Do you hear that?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now"

Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as the read

Lie obviously about trivial things, such as the time of day

Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

Name your dog "Dog."

Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Drum on every available surface.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

Set alarms for random times.

Honk and wave to strangers.

Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

Invite a lot of people to other people's parties.

1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)

2. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.

3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.

4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!" Act like it's a surprise party.

5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.

6. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.

7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don't move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.

8. When you answer the door, hold up one candy bar, throw it out into the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"

9. When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and run around the house, screaming until they go away.

10. Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.

11. Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.

12. Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.

13. When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.

14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.

15. Instead of candy, give away coloured eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.

16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.

17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M's and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don't have any candy.

18. Hand out cigarettes and bottles of aspirin.

19. Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before The Pumpkin.



20. Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you're finished.

21. Wait for the knock and wait for a few minutes, then make a loud thumping noise and run to the door, opening it slowly with some coffee in your hand; shaking prefusely. Interupt their "trick or treat" with loud swearing and grabbing of the head.

22. Shout I'm coming, I'm coming, trip over and headbutt the door. Scream "****" and open the door, collapsing.

23. When you answer the door stand in a Christmas decorated room with Christmas hat and mistletoe above the doorway. Give out wrapped up candy then eye the mistletoe and grin mischeiviously.

24. Unscrew your door from its latches and wait for some Trick or Treaters to come up the drive. Fall onto it crashing infront of them, yelling and threatening someone inside. Promptly running back in screaming.

25. Erect a bench in your front garden and print tickets. When Trick or Treaters come hand them a ticket with a 3 digit number on it and direct them to wait at the bench until they're number is called. + After a few minutes call out "NUMBER ONE! NUMBER ONE!"

v26. Just before some kids arrive have a man run out with a sack full of objects yelling "I'm bleedin' nickin' it arn' I!" If the kids decide to continue on have someone else tell them sadly that the candy is all gone now and walk back into the house fighting back tears.

27.Set up a table right infront of your door and leave it open, when the kids come to it and push it open be wearing a dealers hat and hand out cards, with some candy on the table as chips "Wata ya got?" + Alternitively have 3 cups on the table and put some candy under one, proceeding to do the old shuffle-me-do. If they win tip the table up and run upstairs.

28. You walk up behind them with a corwbar or summin and just nudge past them, shimmy open the door and walk in closing it behind you, later to return climbing out the window with something of value. Half way down the ladder tell them casually "He ain't in. nah its ok mate, i used to live er'"

29. 'THE NINJA' Simply answer the door and when they ask, throw a smoke capsule to the floor and laugh. When it clears still be standing there and slowly close the door, eyes wide open in surprise.

30. Once again leave the door ajar, when the kids push it open reenact 'Reservoir Dogs'. Have a man on the floor cowering, his gun pointed at another man aiming his at him, both shaking. Hold the pose til the kids back away.

31. Ajar again. Kids come in to see you on rocking chair with shotgun. "Yurp...kids came earlier askin the same thin....know what i did?....thats right, shot em dead" Lean closer to them, pointing to the next room and whisper sinisterly "...Bodies in ther..."

32. Or as there com in to the door you bust out with your shirt ripped shouting "I MADE IT OUT, **** CRAZY IN THERE, BLOOD ASS AND GUTS EVERYWHERE." Hold up your fist with candy lodged inside. "I GOT SOME!" Run away screaming insanely.

33. As the kids come up the drive, scream from inside "HERE'S YOUR TREAT!!" kick open the door and throw another person out, the person making the throw out to be painful and scary, running away in terror, the door slamming shut.

34. Stand outside your own house egging it, when kids come and enquire simply say "Bastard doesn't give treats" and wander back inside.

35. Get a bunch of junkees with plenty of Weed to hucker down at ur place for a while so when kids come a knocking smoke wofts out the house, answer the door staring at them like they're Jesus incarnate "SHIT....woah...woah...woaaaahhh" fall over and have someone else close the door.

36. Hang your arm out your post box lifelessly with some sweets in your hand. Wait for some kids and see if they take the bait. If they touch it suddenly spring into life gripping them by the wrist and enjoy the scream.

37. Play the "perfect neighbour". Politely answer the door and happily agree to give the kids candy. Close it for a second then come back with a bowl of it and a phone, just as you are about to give them the candy it starts ringing. You tell them to hold a second and answer it. Begin yelling and cursing madly at the person on the other end, throwing the candy away and slamming the door, still yelling behind it.

38. Establish base camp on your second floor looking out a window to the front door. Wait for some kids to come and ring the doorbell. Wait until they get pissed of or start walking away and open the window screaming disgruntledly lobbing hard candy in their general direction.

39. Get one person to stay inside and another 3 or so to hide in a bush outside in full costume. When some real kids come get your mob out with them and become friendly with. Tell them the man inside is a sinch and always gives candy. Let the mob knock and get invited in, closing the door behind them. Wailing and screeching follows, with the mob bursting out the door crying in terror "DONT **** GO IN THERE, OH GOD!!" running into the night. + If the kids venture in the person stands in the dark whispering, "Come in for some Candy..."

40. The good old fashion way! Have some team of 4-6 people behind the door as it's opened to the kids, all with rocks in their hands in flinging position, see how long it takes the kids to react.

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.

2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the darn thing to work.

After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.

4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.

5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.

6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.

7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.

8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.

9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.

10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.

11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.

12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.

13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.

14. Light candles around your terminal before starting.

15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot."

16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.

17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"

18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).

19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.

20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.

21. Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (or men) are worthless.

22. Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 3 1/2" disc drive, when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.

23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.

24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when it's all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.

25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisely. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.

26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to you. Grind some more. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.

27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.

28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.

29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them on top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.

30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.

31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.

32. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.

33. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.

34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.

35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?" , unplugging the keyboard & taking it.

36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.

37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.

38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.

39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.

40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)

41. Stare at the screen of the person next to you, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.

42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.

43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.

44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hangup before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.

45. Bring a small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.

46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.

47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!" , and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.

48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!" , then calmly sit down and begin to type.

49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say, "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week".

Did you know?...It is impossible to lick your elbow.

Did you know?...Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

Did you know?...Coca-Cola was originally contain cocaine.

Did you know?...23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.

Did you know?...In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

Did you know?...If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?

Did you know?...Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

Did you know?...More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

Did you know?...The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

Did you know?...The Eiffel Tower in Paris weighs over 1000 elephants.

Did you know?...there are actually two types of humans? The slightly larger and less intelligent kind, males, have protruding external genitalia called "penises" that are used for making important life decisions. Meanwhile, females have these nifty things called "vaginas" that no one understands yet, especially males

Did you know?... In 1879, a mail service in Belgium employed 37 cats to carry bundles of letters to villages around the town of Liege, this experiment was shorted-lived as the cats proved thoroughly undisciplined. Just plain weird...even by my standards.

Did you know?... The greatest recorded number of children that have been born by one mother is 69! The poor lass gave birth to 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets and a measly 4 sets of quadruplets. Even in the days before IVF!

Did you know?...Males, on average, think about sex every 7 seconds.

Did you know?... Every 5 seconds a computer gets infected with a virus

Did you know?...13% of Americans actually believe that some parts of the moon are made of cheese...yummy

Did you know?...The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

Did you know?...If you could count the number of times a cricket chirps in one minute, divide by 2, add 9 and divide by 2 again, you would have the correct temperature in celcius degrees... How do they know that?

Did you know?...Fish that live more than 800 meters below the ocean surface don't have eyes. Eeewwwwww

Did you know?...Hydrogen is an explosive gas. Oxygen supports combustion. Yet when these are combined it is water which is used to put out fires.

Did you know?...Walt Disney's autograph bears no resemblance to the famous Disney logo he was also impotent. Bwahahahahahaha!

Did you know?...The Dutch town of Leeuwarden can be spelled 225 different ways-

1. Leeuwaarden
2. Leewaarden
3. Leewarden
4. Leuwarden
5. leuwaardenn
6. Leuuwarrden......
224. Bradford

Did you know?...Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave. Go on, try it then

Did you know?...The Ramses brand condom is named after the great phaoroh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children.

Did you know?...Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

Did you know?...Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history.
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs - Alexander the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

Did you know?...In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

Did you know?...If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds recieved in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Did you know?...Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

Did you know?...The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs in it.

Did you know?...101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney cartoon features with both parents that are present and don't die during the movie.

Did you know?...To "testify" was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles.

Did you know?...You're most likely to win the UK's Lotto if you buy your ticket on a saturday rather than a wednesday. Because you are more likey to die before the number draw than win.

Did you know?... In York, it is perfectly legal to shoot a Scotsman with a bow and arrow (except on Sundays)

Did you know?...On average, 90% Dutch teenagers can speak fluent English whereas only 80% American teenagers can speak fluent English. (Just incase you didnt know, English is not the first langauge of The Netherlands.)

Did you know?...In Texas, a recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. Only in Texas....

Did you know?...No piece of square dry paper can be folded in half more than 7 times

Did you know?...The people who make school kitchens, also make electric chairs.

Did you know?... The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.

Did you know?..."Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

Did you know?...The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the English language.

Did you know?...1 in every 200 people are a psychopath and they look just like everyone else......

Did you know?...An average human loses about 200 head hairs per day.

Did you know?... All the chemicals in the human body have a combined value of approximately 4.00 (6.25 Euro)

Did you know?...In Alaska, it is legal to shoot bears. However, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.

Did you know?...You are most likely to be murdered or raped by a family member or a close friend (98% of all murders). Whereas being murdered by a derranged lunatic down a dark alley is very rare.

Did you know?...Bill "Four eyes" Gates has enough money to buy every house in Alaska, greedy bastard!

Did you know?...Mexico City sinks about 10 inches a year

Did you know?...It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open? Next time you feel a sneeze coming try it!

Did you know?...The expression "to get fired" comes from long, long ago. When clans wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down.

Did you know?...The word 'corr' actually means 'odd' in Irish.

Did you know?...Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula". In English this means 'The City of Angels'

Did you know?...In France, a five year old child can buy an alcholic drink in a bar.

Did you know?...Chocolate is healthy!
Chocolate is a vegetable; Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar BEETS.Both of them are plants, in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.
To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So chocolate bars are a health food. Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

Did you know?... During the chariot scene in "Ben Hur," a small red car can be seen in the distance.

Did you know?...Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.Another interesting fact about Donald Duck - never wore pants but always wore a towel when he came out of the shower!

Did you know?...Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

Did you know?... The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.

Did you know?...The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

Did you know?... The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

Did you know?...By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.

Did you know?...Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

Did you know?... Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.

Did you know?...An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than three steps backwards while dancing!

Did you know?...The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.

Did you know?... The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.

Did you know?...If you removed the stomach, the spleen, 75% of the liver, 80% of the intestines, one kidney, one lung, and virtually every organ from the pelvic and groin area, the human body would still be able to survive.

Did you know?...In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.

Did you know?... On average,100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.

Did you know?...Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

Did you know?...The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

Did you know?... The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (coincidence? )

Did you know?...In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

Did you know?...Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you could see his moves.

Did you know?... American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

Did you know?... Sticking your two middle fingers up dates back from the middles ages. When archers were caught they had their two middle fingers cut of so that they couldn't shoot any more arrows. So when an archer was shooting people he would stick his fingers up to say "look I still have them, "hahaha".

Did you know?... A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.

Did you know?...December is the most popular time for Conception. It's a great way to keep warm through the chilly festive season.

Did you know?...Over 75% of people who read this page will try to lick their elbow.

Did you know?...You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you cant pick your friends nose.

Did you know?...Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.

Did you know?...This is why I hate Barbie. If she was of real life size, this is what her portions would be-

Height: 7ft 2 inches (average woman: 5ft 4in)
Neck: Twice the size of a normal human female which would make it very unable to support the weight of her head.
Boobs: 39 inches (or approximately an FF cup: average woman 36B)
Waist: 18 inches (which is only possible if you remove 2 ribs and carry both kidneys around in a bag)
Hips: 33 inches
Shoe Size: 5
Also Ken and Barbie are brother and sister!

Did you know?...Modern records do not compare with that of St Simeon the younger (C AD 521-97) called stylites a monk who spent the final 45 years of his life living at the top of a stone pillar on the hill of wonders near Antioch in Syria! What the ****?.....

Did you know?...14% of all facts and statisticts are made up and 27% of people know that fact.

Did you know?...Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

Did you know?...Eskimos have over 15 words for the english word of 'Snow'

Did you know?...Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.... each

Did you know?...Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

Did you know?...Contray to popular belief, the British flag is not called "The Union Jack" its actually called "The Union Flag". Its only called the Union Jack when out at sea on navy ships

Did you know?... You are most likely to get murdered at Christmas time due to more alcohol being drunk. Merry Christmas.

Did you know?...If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

Did you know?... TYPEWRITER, is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.

Did you know?...On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament buildings is an American flag.

Did you know?... Almonds are a member of the peach family.

Did you know?... Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

Did you know?...The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

Did you know?...Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the letters from the word 'criminal'. The second was William Jefferson Clinton.

Did you know?...A crocodile can't stick its tongue out.

Did you know?...A shrimp's heart is in its head.

Did you know?...Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.

Did you know?...The heaviest domestic cat is a tabby called 'Himmy' who weighed 21.3kg (46lb 15oz) at his death in 1984. Below is a picture of a small tiger.



Did you know?...Goats and octopus' eyes have rectangular pupils. Eeeewwwwww

Did you know?...Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they can't find any food.


Did you know?... Cat's urine
glows
under a blacklight.


Did you know?...It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. The frog throws up its stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of its mouth. Then the frog uses its forearms to dig out all of the stomach's contents and then swallows the stomach back down again.

Did you know?...Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realise what is occuring, relax and correct itself. At about that height it hits maximum speed and when it hits the ground its rib cage absorbs most of the impact

Did you know?...A donkey will sink in quicksand but a mule won't.

Did you know?...In the state of Minnesota, citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head

Did you know?...The female preying mantis devours her partner while they're mating or she might rip his head off before because he cannot 'perform' with his head is attached to his body. Girl Power!

Did you know?...Polar bear livers are poisonous because they contain too much vitamin C

Did you know?...A cockroach will live nine days without it's head before it starves to death

Did you know?...Sharks never get sick, they are immune to all known diseases.

Did you know?...A study conducted in Germany appears to show listening to loud rock music causes homosexuality in rats. Why hell did they conduct a study into that?

Did you know?...The poison-arrow frog has enough poison to kill about 2,200 people !

Did you know?...In some American states it is illegal to have sex with a dead fish! What about the live ones then? And the other question is how?

Did you know?...Contray to the phrase "sweating like a pig", pigs cant actually sweat

Did you know?...A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. (However, it was discovered on a British TV show, "Brianiac" that this myth is a complete lie!)

Did you know?...In Utah, birds have the right of way on all highways.

Did you know?...To survive, every bird must eat at least half its own weight in food each day.

Did you know?...All porcupines float in water.

Did you know?...Human birth control pills work on gorillas.

Did you know?...Apart from humans, certain species of chimpanzee are the only animals to experiment sexually. They have been known to 'wife swap' and indulge in group sex. Kinky!

Did you know?... An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Did you know?...A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

Did you know?...The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

Did you know?...The groundhog is only accurate in predicting the weather 28% of the time.

Did you know?...The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

Did you know?...Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

Did you know?...Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

Did you know?...All polar bears are left-handed.

Did you know?...A snail can sleep for three years.

Did you know?...Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

Did you know?...Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

Did you know?...It's possible to lead a cow upstairs ... but not downstairs.

Did you know?...More people fear spiders more than they do death.

Did you know?...Butterflies taste with their feet.

Did you know?...The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

Did you know?...The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

Did you know?...Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

Did you know?...The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

Did you know?...Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

Did you know?...Starfish have no brains.

Did you know?...Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

Did you know?...A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

Did you know?...Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.

Did you know?...A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

Did you know?...If someone places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

Did you know?...Cats and dogs can only see the colours blue and yellow.

Did you know?...It is impossible to hum if your nose is plugged. Try it!

Did you know?...Chickens can't burp.

Health and Anatomy
Beards-Pogonophobia
Blood- Haematophobia
Cancer- Cancerophobia
Childbirth- Tocophobia
Cholera- Choleraphobia
Death, corpses- Necrophobia
Deformity- Dysmorphophobia
Disease- Nosophobia
Drugs- Pharmacopophobia
Eyes- Ommatophobia
Faeces- Coprophobia
Germs- Spermophobia
Hair- Chaetophobia
Heart Conditions- Cardiophobia
Heredity- Patroiophobia
Illness- Nosemaphobia
Infection- Mysophobia
Injections- Tryanophobia
Insanity- Maniaphobia
Knees- Genuphobia
Leprosy- Leprophobia
Mind- Psychophobia
Physical Love- Erotophobia
Poison- toxiphobia
Pregnancy- Maieusiophobia
Semen- Spermatophobia
Sex- Genophobia
Sexual Intercourse- Coitophobia
Skin- Dermatophobia
Skin Disease- Dermatosiophobia
Soiling- Rypophobia
Surgical Operations- Ergasiophobia
Syphilis- Sypilophobia
Teeth- Odontophobia
Tuberculosis- Phthisiophobia
Venereal Disease- Cypridophobia
Vomiting- Emetophobia
Wounds- Traumatophobia
Animals & Plants
Animals- Zoophobia
Bacteria- Bacteriophobia
Bees- Apiphobia
Birds- Ornithophobia
Cats- Ailurophobia
Chickens- Alektorophobia
Crabs- Kabourophobia
Dogs- Cynophobia
Feathers- Pteronophobia
Fish- Ichthyophobia
Flowers- Anthophobia
Fur- Doraphobia
Horses- Hippophobia
Insects- Entomophobia
Leaves- Phyllophobia
Lice- Pediculophobia
Mice- Musophobia
Microbes- Bacilliphobia
Parasites- Parasitophobia
Reptiles- Batrachophobia
Snakes- Ophidophobia
Spiders- Arachnophobia
Trees- Dendrophobia
Wasps- Spheksophobia
Worms- Helminthophobia

Inanimate Objects
Books- Biblophobia
Crystals- Crystallophobia
Glass- Nelophobia
Machinery- Mechanophobia
Metals- Metallophobia
Mirrors- Eisoptrophobia
Missiles- Ballistophobia
Money- Chrometophobia
Needles- Belonophobia
Pins- Eneteophobia
Points- Aichurophobia
Slime- blennophobia
String- Linonophobia
Senses
Being Cold- Frigophobia
Being Dirty- Automysophobia
Being Scratched- Amychophobia
Being Touched- Hphephobia
Blushing- Ereuthrophobia
Cold- Cheimatophobia
Colour- Chromatophobia
Fatigue- Kopophobia
Heat- Thermophobia
Itching- Acarophobia
Noise- Phonophobia
Odours- Osmophobia
Odours (body)- Osphresiophobia
Pain- Algrophobia
Pleasure- Hedonophobia
Sleep- Hypnophobia
Smells- Olfactophobia
Smothering, choking- Pnigerophobia
Sounds- Akoustiophobia
Speaking- Halophobia
Speaking Aloud- Phonophobia
Speech- Alophobia
Sourness- Acerophobia
Strings- Cnidophobia
Stooping- Kyphophobia
Taste- Geumatophobia
Thinking- Phronemophobia
Touch- Haptophobia
Touching- Thixophobia
Trembling- Tremophobia

Groups
Children- Paediphobia
Human Beings- Anthrophobia
Men- Androphobia
Robbers- Harpaxophobia
Women- Gynophobia
Young Girls- Parthenophobia
Clowns- Joeyphobia
Lawyers- Attorneyphobia
Homosexuals - Homophobia
Religion
Churches- Ecclesiaphobia
Demons- Demonnophobia
God- Theophobia
Heaven- Ouranophobia
Hell- Hadephobia
Sacred Things- Hierophobia
Satan- Satanophobia
Sinning- Peccatophobia

Travel
Crossing Bridges- Gephyrophobia
Crossing Streets- Dromophobia
Flying- Aerophobia
Motion- Kinesophobia
Sea Swell- Cymophobia
Speed- Tachophobia
Travelling by Train- Siderodromophobia
Vehicles- Amaxophobia
Walking- Basiphobia

Enviroment
Auroral Lights- Auroraphobia
Clouds- Nephophobia
Dampness, moisture
Hygrophobia
Flood- Antlophobia
Fog- Homichlophobia
Ice, Frost- Cryophobia
Lakes- Imnophobia
Lightning- Astraphobia
Meteors- Meteorophobia
Precipices- Cremnophobia
Rain- Ombrophobia
Rivers- Potamophobia
Sea- Thalassophobia
Snow- Chionophobia
Stars- Siderophobia
Sun- Heliophobia
Thunder- Brontophobia,
Keraunophobia
Water- Hydrophobia
Wind- Ancraophobia

Food & Drink
Alcohol- Potophobia
Drinking- Dipsophobia
Eating- Phagophobia
Food- Sitophobia
Meat- Carnophobia

Situations
Being Alone- Monophobia
Being Beaten-
Rhabdophobia
Being Bound-
Merinthophobia
Being Buried Alive- Taphophobia
Being Looked at-
Scopophobia
Crowds- Demophobia
Ochlophobia
Darkness- Nyctophobia
Dawn- Eosophobia
Daylight- Phengophobia
Depth- Bathophobia
Enclosed Spaces- Claustrophobia
Going to Bed- Clinophobia
Gravity- Barophobia
Heights- Acrophobia,
Altophobia
High Places- Hypsophobia
Home- Domatophobia
Oikophobia
Home Surroundings- Apeirophobia
Night- Achluophobia
Passing High Objects- Batophobia
Poverty- Peniaphobia
Places- Topphobia
Public Places- Agoraphobia
Strong Light- Photophobia
School- Scholiophobia
Shadows- Sciophobia
Sitting Idle- Thaadophobia
Solitude- Eremitophobia
Eremophobia
Standing- Stasophobia
Standing Upright-
Stasiphobia
Miscellaneous
The fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth- Arachibutyrophobia
Certain Names-Onomatophobia
Dirt- Mysophobia
Disorder- Ataxiophobia
Draugts- Anemophobia
Dreams- Oneirophobia
Dust- Amathophobia
Electricity- Electrophobia
Everything- Pantophobia
Failure- Kakorraphiaphobia
Fall of Man-made
satellites-Keraunothnetophobia
Fears- Phobophobia
Fire- Pyrophobia
Flashing- Selaphobia
Flogging- Mastigophobia
Ghosts- Phasmophobia
Graves- Taphophobia
Ideas- Ideophobia
Imperfection- Atelophobia
Jealousy- Zelophobia
Justice- Dikephobia
Marriage- Gamophobia
Monsters- Teratophobia
Music- Musicophobia
Names- Nomatophobia
Narrowness- Anginaphobia
Neglect of Duty-Paralipophobia
New Things- Neophobia
Novelty- Cainophobia
Nudity- Gymnophobia
Number 13-Triskaidekaphobia
One Thing- Monophobia
Punishment- Peniaphobia
Responsibility- Hypegiaphobia
Ridicule- Kategelophobia
Ruin- Atephobia
Rust- Iophobia
Shock- Hormephobia
Stealing- Kleptophobia
Void- Kenophobia
Weakness- Asthenophobia
Words- Logophobia
Work- Ergophobia
Writing- Graphophobia

ALASKA
More than half of the coastline of the entire United States is in Alaska.

AMAZON
The Amazon rain forest produces more than 20% the world's oxygen supply. The Amazon River pushes so much water into the Atlantic Ocean that, more than one hundred miles at sea, off the mouth of the river, one can dip fresh water out of the ocean. The volume of water in the Amazon river is greater than the next eight largest rivers in the world combined and three times the flow of all rivers in the United States.

ANTARCTICA
Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country. Ninety percent of the world's ice covers Antarctica. This ice also represents seventy percent of all the fresh water in the world. As strange as it sounds, however, Antarctica is essentially a desert. The average yearly total precipitation is about two inches. Although covered with ice (all but 0.4% of it, i.e.), Antarctica is the driest place on the planet, with an absolute humidity lower than the Gobi desert.

BRAZIL
Brazil got its name from the nut, not the other way around.

CANADA
Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined. Canada is an Indian word meaning "Big Village."

CHICAGO
Next to Warsaw, Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world.

DETROIT
Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan carries the designation M - 1, named so because it was the first paved road anywhere.

DAMASCUS, SYRIA
Damascus, Syria, was flourishing a couple of thousand years before Rome was founded in 753 BC, making it the oldest continuously inhabited city in existence.

ISTANBUL, TURKEY
Istanbul, Turkey is the only city in the world located on two continents.

LOS ANGELES
Los Angeles full name is El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula--and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A.

NEW YORK CITY
The term "The Big Apple" was coined by touring jazz musicians of the 1930s who used the slang expression "apple" for any town or city. Therefore, to play New York City is to play the big time- The Big Apple.
There are more Irish in New York City than in Dublin, Ireland; more Italians in New York City than in Rome, Italy; and more Jewish people in New York City than in Tel Aviv, Israel.

AFRICA
Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28.
Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38.

OHIO
There are no natural lakes in the state of Ohio; every one is human made.

PITCAIRN ISLAND
The smallest island with country status is Pitcairn in Polynesia, at just 1.75 sq. miles/4.53 sq. km.

ROME
The first city to reach a population of one million people was Rome, Italy in 133 B.C.
There is a city called Rome on every continent.

SIBERIA
Siberia contains more than 25% of the world's forests.

S.M.O.M.
The actual smallest sovereign entity in the world is the Sovereign Military Order of Malta (S.M.O.M.). It is located in the city of Rome, Italy, has an area of two tennis courts, and as of 2001, has a population of eighty, twenty less people than the Vatican. It is a sovereign entity under international law, just as the Vatican is.

SAHARA DESERT
In the Sahara Desert, there is a town named Tidikelt, which did not receive a drop of rain for ten years.

SPAIN
Spain literally means 'the land of rabbits.'

ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA
St. Paul, Minnesota was originally called Pig's Eye after a man named Pierre "Pig's Eye" Parrant who set up the first business there.v TEXAS
The deepest hole ever made in the world is in Texas. It is as deep as 20 Empire State Buildings but only 3 inches wide.

UNITED STATES
The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one-mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips and in times of war or other emergencies.

WATERFALLS
The water of Angel Falls (the World's highest) in Venezuela drops 3,212 feet (979 meters). They are 15 times higher than Niagara Falls.