Me: I'm sorry....
Kid: For what?
Me: For you being born!!! ahahahaha.

if i wanted a **** i whould have bought a dog.

you ask for my number an i said 1-800-kiss-my-ass.

your not your selff today. i noticed you have improvemend immediately.

tell your mom i left the change on the table

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of others?

I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?

ummm.....excuse me....but are you waiting for a comeback from me? Because if you are, you are wasting your time mate. I don't bother with such cheap, low-standard trash.

Go back to the dump you came from. I don't do charity.

Tsk Tsk Tsk. Sad to see such pathetic losers. *Sigh*

Get a life

Sit down and give your mind a rest.

See, that's what's meant by dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.

Everyone has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privileges!

Don't you need a license to be that ugly?

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today

Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own

You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what the hell happen to you?

Right now I'm sitting here looking at you trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

A pretty girl can kiss a guy* a bird can kiss a butterfly* the rising sun can kiss the grass* but you my friend!! yes you!!

YOU CAN KISS MY ASS*******

If you didn't have feet you wouldn't wear shoes.....then why do you wear a bra??!

mirrors don't talk but lucky for you %n they don't laugh

Poof be gone, your breath is too strong, I don't wanna be mean, but you need listerine, not a sip, not a swallow, but the whole friggin bottle

People like you are the reason I'm on medication.

Don't piss me off today, I'm running out of places to hide to bodies

I have always woundered why people bang their heads against brick walls..... then I met you. Don't bother leaving a message.

Don't let your mind wander. It's way to small to be outside by itself!

I had a nightmare. I dreamt I was you.

Hey, Remember that time I told you I thought you were cool? I LIED.

I need you...........I want you............To get out of my face
Damn not you again.......


If I wanted to talk to you, I would have called you first.

I am not anti-social..I just don't like you

If you're gonna act like a dick you should wear a condom on your head so you can at least look like one !!!

Hmm...I dont know what your probelm is...but I'm going to bet it's really hard to pronounce...

There are some stupid people in this world. You just helped me realize it.

Until you called me I couldn't remember the last time I wanted somebody's fingers to break so badly.

If you ran 1,000,000 miles to see the boy/girl of your dreams, what would you say when you got there?
Wow, you looked a lot hotter from a distance!

Cancel my subscriptions ... I'm tired of your issues.


Earth is full. Go home.

If I could be one person for a day, it sure as hell wouldn't be you.

Hey, heres a hint. If i don't answer you the first 25 times, what makes you think the next 25 will work?

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I'll get back to you...

Oh dear! Looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!

What's that ugly thing growing out of your neck... Oh... It's your head...

I'm sorry, Talking to you seems as appealing as playing leapfrog with unicorns.

Oh I'm sorry, how many times did your parents drop you when you were a baby?

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.

God made mountains, god made trees, god made you but we all make mistakes.

Remember JESUS loves you but everyone else thinks you're an idiot.

I'm not mean ... you're just a sissy.

Sorry I can't think of an insult stupid enough for you.

Why don't you go outside any play, hide and go f**k yourself

Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone

How about a little less questions and a little more shut the hell up? I'm away live with it.

FOR THE LAST TIME! Your mother left here at 9 this morning... Leave me alone!

Let's see, I've walked the dog, cleaned my room, gone shopping and gossiped with my friends...Nope, this list doesn't say that I'm required to talk to you.

When you were born you were so ugly that instead of slapping you, the doctor slapped your mom! leave a message

My Mom said never talk to strangers and well, since you're really strange.... I guess that means I can't talk to you!

Forget the ugly stick! you must have been born in the ugly forrest!

I really don't like you but if you really must leave a message, I'll be nice and at least pretend to care.

You know the drill! You leave a message....and I ignore it!

The Village just called. They said they were missing their town idiot, I couldn't really understand them, but I think they were saying the name was yours...

I'm not here right now so cry me a river, build yourself a bridge, and GET OVER IT!!!

Why are you bothering me? I have my away message on cause I don't want to listen to you and your stupid nonsense.

You dont know me, you just wish you did.

Hey- I am away from my computer but in the meantime, why don't you go play in traffic?!

You have your whole life to be a jerk....so why dont you take a day off so.. leave me a message for when I get back!!!!

Your mommas so stupid, she thought Taco Bell was a mexican phone company
Yo mommas so dumb she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to say go!
Yo mama so dumb she stared at da orange juice bottle cause it said concentrate
Your momma is so fat that when she stepped on the scale it said one at a time please.
Yo mammas so fat you could slap her legs and ride the waves
Yo mama so dumb she sold her car for gas money
Yo Mama's so fat, she got baptized at Sea World.
You're mom's so stupid, she got locked up in a super market and starved
Yo Momma is so fat she walked out in high heels and came back in flip flops.
Yo' Momma's So Fat When her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up.
Yo mama's so fat when she ordered a water bed they layed a blanket on the Pacific Ocean
Yo mamma's like a shotgun, one **** and she blows.
Yo mama so dumb that when I said "christmas is just around the corner" she went looking for it!
Yo Mamma's so fat it takes two busses and a train to get on her good side.
Your mom is so stupid, I said it's chilly outside, your mom ran outside wit a bowl and a spoon and asked where??
Yo Momma so fat she stepped on da scale and and it said to be continued...
Yo Mama's so poor, when I was asking why she was banging on the dumpster she said, "My kids locked me out."
Yo Momma so dumb when she saw a bus with white people in it she said, "Go catch that twinky."
Yo mommas so fat, she has to use a matress for a tampon.
Yo mamma's so stupid, she jumped off a boat and missed the water.
Yo mama's so fat, when she stepped on the dog's tail we had to change his name to Beaver.
Yo momma's so fat that when she goes outside in her yellow jacket people say "Look it's the magic school bus!!!"
Yo Mamma so fat that when the school bus drives by she yells STOP THAT TWINKIE!
Yo Mama so fat she went into a zoo and a zookeeper said, "Oh boy...another elephant got out!"
Yo mamma so stupid, it took her two hours to watch 60 minutes
Yo mamma is like a brick, flat on both sides and gets laid by mexicans!
Yo mama's so fat that when she went to wal-mart she tripped over k-mart and hit target!!!!:-D
Yo momma is so fat, she stepped on a dollar and made change.
Yo mama's so poor when I saw her kickin' a can down the street, I asked her what was she doing and she said she was movin'
Your mammas so stupid she got locked in mattress store and slept on the floor.
Yo mama so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles came out....
Your mama is so fat she jumped in to the ocean and the whales stated to sing we are family.
Yo mama's so fat she has her own zipcode
Yo Momma is like a doornob, everyone gets a turn.
Yo mamma's so fat she fell in love and broke it
Yo Mama's so fat, when she stepped onto the scale it said "to infinity and beyond!"
Yo Momma so fat, when she went to swim in the ocean she said "Oops I'm in the kiddy pool!"
I thought you were ugly ... and then I met your mama
Yo Mamma is like a hockey playa, she doesnt changer her pads for 3 periods!
Yo Momma's so ugly on Halloween, people go as her.
Yo momma's so fat that when she jumped for joy she got stuck!
Yo Momma is so fat that her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.
Yo' mama so fat, she has to make a long distance call to talk to herself!
Yo Momma so fat her tanning bed was Mexico!
Your momma is so retarded she got stabbed in a shootout.
Yo momma's so fat, she walked in front of the t.v and I missed a whole series of friends!
Yo momma is so fat, she's taller sideways.
Yo Mamma so stupid that she went to Dr. Dre for liposuction.
Yo Momma so dumb, she sat on the TV to watch the couch
Yo momma's so fat, she uses the pacific ocean to take a bath.
I'm not here... but yo mama is ;-)
Yo Momma's so horny, when she found out Winnie the Pooh had no pants, she a got a boner.
Yo momma so greasy they hired her at the cinima to put the butter on the popcorn!
Yo Momma so stupid her favorite color is clear.
Yo mamas so fat that at the circus she nicknamed the elephant pee wee.
Your momma's so fat that when she fell in the forest, the loggers said "TIMBER"!
Your momma is so fat that when she sweats she can be used as a steam roller.
Your momma's so fat she has to use the ocean as her toilet!

Hey!! they made a song about your weight 8675309

Can fat people go skinny dipping?

At fat camp, the guys have bigger boobs

Bored as a fat person without food

Fat people are harder to kidnap

Never under estimate fat people in large groups

Dear Lord,
If you can't make me SKINNY, Please make my friends FAT!

I would probably cry too, if I had a stomach the size of the ocean blue!

Only in America are "poor" people fat.

One day a woman asked her daughter to go get some jellyrolls. The girl went to the bakery and ordered all of the jellyrolls that the bakery had. Then she stuffed them all in her mouth and swallowed. When she got home her mom asked where the jellyrolls were. The girl lifts up her shirt and says here, these are the jelly rolls.