I have tried it many times

I contacted microsoft and they hung up on me cause they couldnt find me a solution other than a wired connection

Im not able to use a wire as im upstairs and my router downstairs

This shouldnt effect my connection though as my 360 is fine and on my xbox one i still have 43mb download speed and 100% connection strength with 0 packet loss

But i do have 162 ping, can i lower this?

Try resetting your router, and if your running on wireless make sure your NAT type is Open, although Looking at what you have done, I've come up with the idea that your IP is probably being messed with by a third party or if you are quite "Known" on xbox you might have a higher chance for people to boot you offline. Try to connect to somebody's wifi who is around you and see if the problem persists. If it does try using wired connection. If the problem still persists, then most likely it could be microsofts side or if your xbox one has taken some damage, it might just be your wifi plug.