Once upon a time there was a sick RB named Olottah Vahgjyna. He was black, as you can see from the name. The a golden eagle swooped up one day and enslaved him. He then proceeded to kill the eagle and glide back to America with his amazing flow of african american dreads that allowed him to spread it like a cape and soar like batman lolz. When he came back, he decided to quit footbal and take the place of the golden eagle instead. to this day, he still hauntz the skyz lookin four sum preys. Amen.
but all was not well on America when Olottah was away assuming his eagle duties. The world had fallen into chaos with no sick RB to look up to and idolize. Thats when GUcci FLakKa came to town. He was da sickest RB tah ever rome the Earth. He had 2 legs, but 3 arms which increased his speed stats by +7. All dah babes wanted tuh hav his baby. Obsessed w/ pleazin da ladeez, he dropped out of the race for best RB of the year and moved to prostitution. The earth needed a sick RB once again and Olottah was tired of Golden Eagle VIP status. He knew twas time to make his big comebak. Olottah proceeded to soar down for the heavens to intercept a pass in the Superbowl. It was the Cheifs vs. Broncos and the broncos threw the ball and he intercepted it and made the game winnin TD for the Cheifs. Hailed as a hero, he was adorned with many gifts from the netherregions of the globe. Olattah was back to bein numbah 1. But all good thingz don't last foreva.....
so we last left our story with Olottah back on top of his game. He enjoyed da massiv sucksessiz and soon got a deel with Nike. One day he was in practice and decided to go check his ATM account cuz he needed some quik cash for a slush puppie. So, he clicks on the menu. BAMs, no monee. "how can dis bee?" olottah thought. Then, his fotografik memoree kickd in and he remembered a part of hiz contrakt that hiz eyez just glazed over really fast. it said "you sign da contract and we take yo money son." Filled with rage, the star RB exclaimded "nike must pay for their sinz!" After practice he announced a "temporary retirement" and set his eyes on the goal of murdering nike. He eventually tracked down da big cheesez of nike at their secret base located inside/underground/at hoover dam. the base was very complicated and was like a very big maze. he got lost a few times and accidentally stumbled into sum of nikez sekret roomz where dey had otha big secretz like jimmy hoffa'z bodie, all da shipz lost in da bermuda triangle, and the All Spark. eventually he made his way to the inner sanctum room and confronted Nike. "you took mah money, now u die" was all he said. He proceeded to shove his large leg down Nike's throat all the way up to his sweaty/muscular/sexy overall thighs. then Olottah said a cool line that had something to do with the wierd way Nike died like "lmao gess u lyke thighs down ur throat lmao weird." Olottah took his $$$ and left like a true superstar RB. As he left through the backdoor, he then realized. "wait, all dees secretz. they hold massive powuh. now i hold da massive powuh....wit great powuh comes great responsibility." of course! he thought. he had seen on the tv that people in haiti were poor and homeless, so he arranged w/ his massive powuh to have them all flown to the hoover dam. he later resumed his RB super star career and was hailed as a national hero. Then, obama resigned as prezident. Olottah saw this as his chance to take the place as new Black Prez uh duh Statez. he chuckled at the the glorious thought. obamuh re-zined as da prez. olottah was not the prez. he decided, to be, the prez. after his page on facebook got about 45 million lykes, he was immediately inogyurated. finally, ollotah could fulfill his dream with da furst act his prezidency. many inferior caucasianz were startled to learn when they woke up the next morning that all the wite guyz had been kicked out of the NFL so that the africanamerican supahstarz could rain supreem. many of them, filled with shame, immediately committed suicide in style (erotic asphyxiation!!!). BUT, not all of the whities wuz cool w/ this new plan of Olottah's. secretly, Olottah had heard of an underground group of caucasian malez that had pulled a robert downey jr. and died themselves to look black. "dis iz ahn outrayge!" Olottah exclaimed. He then sent a black ops team assassinate any suspected playerz that were BIG PHONEEZ. this would have gone well, but Olottah underestimated one man. the big Madden himself (head of the phoneez). one day Olottah was enjoying a nice cruise his cruising cruise ship (piloted by none other than Tom Cruise {Olottahz white slave.]) All the sudden John Madden created a whirlpool and sucked Olottah down into the depths of the sea into the Laurentian trench. He thought he killed him. He wuz totalee rong. Megatron also happened to be down there so he struck a deal w/ Megatron. Megatron and the other decepticonz, as it turnz out, were big big fanz of watching middleaged white guyz fight over a pigskin. Olottah said "mmmkay" and promised to bring back caucasian malez to football if Megatron would ressurect him. It all worked out and bam! - - next thing you know it John Maddenz head is mounted on the wall of Olottah's Oval Office. "Dis be sick, yo!" shouted Olottah. He danced the dance of dances and partied like it was 2999. Then he proceeded to "do it like bernie" (his favorite dance ever - - see link below for examplez). However, white men had been returned the NFL and Olottah could not live the embarrassment of this huge failure for his fellow blackz. He resigned after his party wuz done. However, after all the recent action and near death expeeryencez Olottah had went trhough - he knew it was time for a lifestyle change. That was when he made his decision to play as the new superstahr QB for the Falcons. TO BE CONTINUED IN PT. 5!!!!!
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YOU CAN DO IT LIKE BERNIE TOO!!! - - - [ Register or Signin to view external links. ]