Here is all the character quotes on Der Riese.

Tank Demsey

"Let's get this done..."
— Unknown, possibly when starting a game

"Bring it, freak bags!"
— Unknown, probably randomly while killing zombies

"That was SWEET!"
— After blowing up/seeing a group of zombies get blown up

"Imagine that! We need to turn the power on; how original!"
— Starting a game

"They're swarming! Look out!"
— Unknown, possibly while fighting a large group of zombies

"Eat it, gut bags!"
— Knifing a zombie

"This just in, Dempsey is a ****' bad ass!"
— Random, probably when killing many zombies

"OWNED!"
— After stabbing a zombie, or getting a headshot at CLOSE range

"Everything burns!"
— After burning a couple of zombies with the M2 Flamethrower. (Possibly a reference to the film "The Dark Knight". This line was said by the Joker)

"Time to gut these brainbags!"
— After getting the Bowie Knife

"Blowin' off limbs is one of my specialties!"
— After getting a shotgun

"K.I.A., Maggot sack!"
— After killing a zombie

"Can't touch this!"
— After Knifing a zombie. (A reference to M.C. Hammer's U Can't Touch This)

"JUUUIIICE!"
— After getting a Max Ammo

"Much appreciated!"
— After getting a Max Ammo

"Line 'em up!"
— After getting a Double Points pick-up

"Rack 'em up!"
— After getting a Double Points pick-up

"Gotta round up some rounds..."
— After low on/using up all of the ammo of a weapon

"Suck it!"
— Randomly while killing zombies

"Yeah! I had my eyes closed that time!"
— Getting a headshot

"Hey! Someone needs to clean up those freak bits!"
— Getting a headshot

"I told you I'm not on the menu!"
— After killing a zombie that hit him

"Oorah! They're droppin' like bad habits!"
— After killing a zombie

"Oorah! (Demonic tone)"
— After getting the Carpenter pick-up

"Oorah, Oorah, Oorah, OORAH!"
— Getting a knife streak

"Dempsey's butcher shop is open for business!"
— After getting the Insta-Kill Powerup

"Pack-a-punch. Reminds me of a sweet chick I used to know! Hehe."
— When walking up to the pack a punch machine

"*sigh* These Wonder-Waffles [sic], Ray Guns, teleporters, Die Glockes, uhh, whatever, let's just go kill some freak bags."
— Randomly

"Gotta link up this terra..er, tele... bah... machine."
— When near a deactivated teleporter

"Anybody ever hear of a "Die Glocke"?"
— After approaching a teleporter ("Die" is pronounced as "Dye")

"This machine belongs in AWESOMETOWN!"
— After approaching the Pack-a-Punch machine

"Where's that mainframe again?"
— When near a deactivated teleporter

"I don't think it was using that anyway."
— After getting a headshot

"Hey look, it's Richtofen's brother."
— After getting the Monkey Bomb

"Monkey see, monkey go blow some shit up."
— After getting the Monkey Bomb

"Time to shock some meatbag ass!"
— After getting the Wunderwaffe out of the mystery box.

"Hi I'm Dempsey, and you are... DEAD!"
— After killing a zombie

"Didn't anyone tell you, I'm a crack shot!"
— After Headshotting from long range

"I must have slipped. Oorah."
— after being revived

"Richtofen, that monkey's not alive. Quit talking to it!"
— Said after Richtofen receives the Monkey Bomb

"Freak-meat-bag-sackers!!!"
— after getting a kill streak

"I'll swim in your skin, maggot-whores!"
— after getting a knife streak

"I think Richtofen knows more about what's going on than it seems..."
— When approaching a teleporter

"Just what we need, a cluttered battlefield."
— After killing many zombies and witnessing the large number of corpses left behind

"Couldn't live without me, huh?"
— After being revived

"Hey, we need a clean up in aisle 4!"
— After killing many zombies and witnessing the large number of corpses left behind

"I'm surrounded! Bring it mother-****!"
— After being surrounded by zombies

"Poor Richtofen! Surrounded by his own creations!"
— After Richtofen is downed

"Hey Richtofen! Are you having a family reunion?"
— Randomly

"Yah! I'm always into Jugg-a-nog [sic]."
— After getting Juggernaut

"Awesome! Bzzzzt!"
— After witnessing multiple kills from the Wunderwaffe

"Where's this thing keep 160 rounds?"
— After getting the Ray Gun

"Get the marshmallows, I'll light the fire!"
— After getting the M2 Flamethrower

"Smells like Zom-B-Q!"
— After lighting a group of zombies on fire

"*Crazed Laughter*"
— After getting a heavy weapon out of the Mystery Box

"Nothing says "I love you," quite like a shotgun."
— After buying a shotgun

"This German shit is slower than a freakbag tied to a tree!"
— Using the Pack-a-Punch Machine

"You won't be laughing when I get through with you!"
— After getting the Teddy Bear out of the Mystery Box

"Go eat someone else!"
— After knifing a zombie

"Yeah, I'm real thirsty partner..."
— After drinking Double Tap Root Beer

"Oorah, devil man!"
— After getting the Carpenter pick-up

"When I find your master, I'm kicking his ass!"
— Before a hellhound round starts

"Aww...isn't that so **** cute?"
— After getting the Monkey Bomb

"You meatheads too stupid to quit?"
— Random, after killing a zombie

"It's raining lead on you, pussbag!"
— After killing a zombie with an MG

"Ah, shit, here come the dogs!"
— Before a hellhound round starts

"Richtofen's surrounded. Poor Kraut."
— After witnessing Richtofen getting swarmed

"Shouldn't you guys be on a leash?"
— At the beginning of a Hellhound round

"Aww, look, I just saved everyone's knees, I'm a hero!"
— After killing a crawler

"Oorah, Monkey bones!"
— After seeing a Monkey Bomb explode

"See that little guy light 'em up!"
— After a Monkey Bomb explodes

"Oorah, Slackjaw sauce comin' up!"
— Randomly while killing multiple zombies

"Time to slice and dice!"
— After buying the Bowie Knife

"Slice and Dice baby!"
— After killing zombies with the Bowie Knife

Nikolai Belinski


"I need a **** perk. Let's go get the power back on."
— At the beginning of the game

"Ugh, I feel like I will throw up..."
— After using a teleporter<br /

"Zombies! We gotta move!"
— Getting overwhelmed by a large group of zombies

"Good, that **** song was driving me nuts!"
— After watching a Monkey Bomb explode

"Die, Hell-pig!"
— After knifing a zombie

"Balls, check. Vodka, check. Okay I'm good."
— After teleporting

"Even drunk, I am still too powerful for you."
— Random, after killing zombies

"Back in Russia, I kill bears TEN TIMES your size!"
— After getting a teddy bear

"Use it well Tank. Use it well."
— After Tank gets the Monkey Bomb

"Only man and wife should be so close!"
— After killing a zombie that has hit him

"Perhaps you are of use."
— After getting revived, possibly only said to Dempsey

"Zombies! We gotta to move!"
— Getting overwhelmed by a large group of zombies

"Quite an ARM-y! Get it? With the arms? **** you."
— After dismembering a zombie's arm

"****! They're between me and my vodka!"
— Randomly

"This will hurt like syphilis. Believe me, I know"
— After getting an automatic weapon

"I've got the hammer. Go find me a sickle."
— After getting the hammer pick-up (A reference to the Soviet insignia)

"In Russia, supply lines are not THIS good..."
— After getting a Max-Ammo pick-up

"Someone is not sharing their ammo..."
— After running out of ammo

"Is that a new pet, American?"
— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb

"Hello? Can someone open this door to the really cool gadgets?"
— Approaching an inoperable Pack-a-Punch Machine

"I just boarded all the windows. Don't help or anything."
— After getting the Carpenter pickup

"Pack-a-punch? Oh my god, I think it makes vodka!"
— Approaching un-operated Pack-a-Punch machine

"The air reeks with the stench of dog shit."
— At the start of a hellround

"Death is inevitable, like hangovers, I know."
— When getting a shotgun

"Ha Ha, You just got **** by a monkey!!"
— After Throwing a successful monkey bomb

"Urgh! That was worst vodka I ever tasted."
— After getting Juggernaut

"Now we're BOTH legless!"
— After blowing a zombie's legs off.

"Look, I just made a new pet. I'll take it for a walk for about 5 minutes while the rest of you dick around."
— After approaching a crawling zombie (Can reference to people using crawlers to buy time to get perks/weapons/link teleporters, etc)

"In Russia, I was carpenter, you know."
— After getting the Carpenter pick up

"Same weapon I used to kill my second wife. It was accident!...She talked too much."
— After getting the PTRS-41 or the PPSh-41

"Now I have to run all the way back to the mainframe, so much **** running."
— After activating a teleporter.

"I have vodka, BUT NO **** AMMO!"
— After exhausting all ammunition for the weapon he is holding

"If this were Russia, you wouldn't have to do all this. You would press ONE button, and it would work."
— After linking a teleporter to the mainframe

"You're killing them, I'm killing them. Even **** D.O.C. is killing them!"
— Said randomly

"How come you always get the good guns, and I get the Colt?"
— After witnessing Tank getting a "good" gun

"Ugh, that vodka was terrible. Oh wait, that was teleporter!"
— After teleporting

"Now that I have speed, maybe I can drink vodka between kills!"
— After drinking Speed Cola

"Even I can hit something with this!"
— After getting the FG-42

"You're almost as brave as me, Dempsey."
— After witnessing Tank running through a group of zombies

"I will share these points...with Satan!"
— After getting a Double-Points pick up

"Points? I'm trying to stay alive here!"
— After getting a Double-Points pick up

"Don't make me fight with broken vodka bottle!"
— After running low on ammunition

"Without ammo, Soviet war machine will grind to halt!"
— After exhausting all ammunition for the weapon he is holding

"Did someone make joke?"
— After witnessing someone get the Teddy Bear

"I need more money first, why do we not share the points?"
— After trying to buy something without enough points

Takeo Masaki

"This will hold them back for a while! Ha Ha Ha!"
— Planting Bouncing Betties

"You are a weak fool, Nikolai!"
— Said when Nikolai gets downed

"My gun is like Dempsey's head. Empty"
— Said when out of ammo

"Nikolai has monkey. Monkey is smarter of the two."
— Said when Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb

"The spirits are toying with us."
— At the start of a Hellround.<br /

"My ancestors will have to wait for my arrival!"
— After being revived

"The power of my ancestors runs through my veins!"
— After killing a group of zombies

"Ahh..a small weapon, strong, fast, just like me."
— After killing a zombie with an SMG

"Do not mock me, Teddy Bear."
— After getting the Teddy Bear from the Mystery box

"Ah, the little warrior."
— After getting a monkey bomb from the Mystery Box

"One less appendage..."
— After gibbing a zombie

"I require more money."
— After trying to buy something without enough points.

"Don't drop limb, drop power up..."
— After gibbing and killing a zombie without a power up dropping

"Even a monkey is smarter than Nikolai."
— After getting a Monkey Bomb

Dr. Richtofen


"No ammo? NOOOOOO!"
— When out of ammo.

"You cannot resist the power of the Wunderwaffe!"
— After killing multiple zombies with the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"Ahh, I love it. STAY AWAY THIS IS MINE!"
— After upgrading a weapon.

"So many body parts! I am in HEAVEN!!"
— After gibbing a zombie or group of zombies

"A mere side-effect, Russian. Everything is normal..."
— In response to Nikolai complaining about the teleporter making him nauseous

"There is probably one big switch somewhere that powers EVERYTHING. We Germans are very efficient."
— At the beginning of the game.

"Attach part A to grommet B - Oh screw it, just press buttons!"
— While approaching a unactivated teleporter. (Said altogether, incredibly fast)

"Doctor recommends AMPUTATION!"
— After gibbing a zombie

"You are my child. Bastard child, but child nonetheless."
— After killing a zombie.

"I require more money!"
— After trying to use the mystery box without enough money.

"There is NOTHING left!"
— After running out of ammo

"Who's your daddy?"
— After killing a zombie.(More than likely a reference about him helping create the zombies.)

"Now let's see you clap! Hahaha!"
— After getting a headshot

"Rest in peace, my little undead friend."
— After killing a zombie

"Without any bullets there can be no bullet wounds!"
— When the weapon the character is holding is out of ammunition

"Fascinating creatures, don't you think, Nikolai?"
— After Nikolai comments on the zombies.

"Play ze cymbals of death, my little monkey friend."
— After getting the Monkey Bomb.

"You will not feed!"
— Killing a group of zombies, or getting a headshot

"Stumpy was rude to ze doctor. Stumpy paid the price."
— After killing a zombie

"I need bullets to continue my work!"
— After exhausting the ammunition for the weapon the character is holding

"Ooh, a cute little monkey bomb for ze doctor!"
— After getting the Monkey Bomb

"Maybe you move it because... you like me?"
— After getting a teddy bear in the box

"I am useless!"
— After exhausting the ammunition for the weapon the character is holding

"Once again, Nikolai leads from the front!"
— After Nikolai gets a kill

"Ahh it is still here!, err I mean what is this strange device?"
— After finding a teleporter

"The Doctor prescribes you.... PAIN!!"
— After killing a zombie

"We need to link it to the mainframe , I mean this is so confusing!"
— After activating a teleporter for the first time

"I will cut an apple with this! Ones ADAM'S APPLE!"
— After purchasing a Bowie Knife

"I long to bathe naked...in your blood!"
— After killing a zombie.

"Ed wants your head!."
— After getting a headshot. Note: This quote hints to Richtofen being Edward.

"Let us all have a sing-along for the corpses!"
— After seeing the Monkey Bomb explode

"If only Maxis were here to see this."
— Upon activation of a teleporter

"No more monkey sing-along for the cadavers."
— After seeing the Monkey bomb explode

"Yes Child, Take your medicine."
— After Killing a Zombie with a headshot

"Fluffy? Is that you?"
— Heard at beginning of Hellhound round.

"Oh, it feels so good in my hands..."
— After getting .357 Magnum from the Mystery Box

"Let Richtofen's carnival of horrors begin!"
— After getting the Monkey Bomb

"Oh, my! It kills people! Brilliant!"
— After using the Monkey Bomb for the first time

"This must be how Dempsey's mother must have felt when he was born!"
— When getting swarmed by zombies

"Look! The missing link! And he's holding a monkey!"
— After witnessing Tank getting the Monkey Bomb

"So much lead, for ze dead! Oh, I'm a poet, and I didn't even know it! Ha ha!"
— After getting an MG

"Excuse me, do you have ze time? AHAHAHAHAHA!"
— Directed to a zombie he just killed

Monkey Bomb


"Bye, bye, Zombies!"
— Before exploding

"Get ready for a surprise!"
— Before exploding

"Is this the end?"
— Before exploding

"Let's play again!"
— Before exploding

"I'm coming Sam!"
— Before exploding

"You're not Sam..."
— While being primed

"Hello friend."
— While being primed

"Ow! Ooh! Ow!"
— After being thrown in the furnace

Shared Quotes


Nikolai: "This looks powerful..."

Tank: "Why don't you throw it at Richtofen?"
— After Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb

Demonic Announcer


"Ka-Boom!"
— After getting nuke power-up.

"Max Ammo!"
— After getting Max Ammo power-up

"Insta-Kill!"
— After getting Insta-Kill

"Double Points!"
— After getting Double Points.

"Carpenter!"
— After getting Carpenter power-up<br /

"Bye Bye!"
— After getting Teddy Bear from the Mystery box

"FETCH ME THEIR SOULS!"
— When Hellhounds appear (Said in a much deeper voice than normal)

"[Demonic Laughter]"
— When the Teddy Bear appears

Samantha


"Uh Oh."
— When both hellhounds and pick ups spawn after teleporting

"Uh Oh, NO TREATS FOR YOU!"
— When hellhounds spawn after teleporting, without any pick ups

"I want to play a game... let's play Hide and Seek?!"
— After activating the Fly Trap

"Oh, you found one..."
— After finding the first item of the Fly Trap

"Wow, you found another one."
— After finding the another item of the Fly Trap

"You win... GAME OVER!"
— After finding all the items of the Fly Trap

"Why are you so cruel to Mr. Monkey? Mr. Monkey just wanted to PLAY!."
— After completing the Monkey Bomb in the furnace Easter Egg