1. you eat, you're fat. you don't eat, you're a freak. you drink, you're an alcoholic. you don't drink, you're a ****. you read, you're a nerd. you don't read, you're stupid. you tell a secret, you're an attention seeker. you don't tell a secret, you're still attention seeking. you let someone in, you're easy. you don't let someone in, you're too uptight. you smoke, you think you're cool. you don't smoke, you're a loser. you've had sex, you're a slut. you haven't had sex, you're a frigid little bitch. you wear make up, you're a slag. you don't wear make up, you're ugly. you can't please anyone. ever.

2. *Pssst* .....is that a guy or a girl???

3. How many times do i have to say "excuse me" before "get the **** out of my way" becomes acceptable?

4. Your display picture is a car? Sorry, I didnt realize you were a transformer.

5. 98% of teenagers have consumed alcohol, smoked, or have had sex. Like this if you like bagels.

6. Mom: "Do you think I'm made of money?" Me: "Isn't that what MOM stands for?"

7. I may look calm, but in my head, I've killed you three times

8. Dear Mr. Spider, unless you pay rent...you CANNOT live in my house!

9. *logs in* *password incorrect* "OMG IM HACKED!!!!" "ohh wait caps lock is on"

10. OREOS: first you twist it, then you... Oh, it broke.

11. The akward moment when a ginger calls themself 'strawberry blonde'

That will do lol